ZUDEMA

12005 February 02

$A75 handed back the papers. I seemed to be in a classroom, and i was worried about how i had done on the quiz. I looked at the paper which had been handed back to me. It was written in pencil and had red ink marks over it. I felt that i was out of place here, and no longer knew any of this material. I should not be back here in school. I tried to read the red ink on the top of the page, but was having difficulty making out the letters. It seemed that i did better on the test that i had thought, but i could not be sure. I felt a little better about it, but was still upset that i was here. I looked down to the center of the paper and noticed that there was one word circled near the left-hand side of the paper. I thought that i had defined this vocabulary word wrong. The sentence where i demonstrated the word used the word as an adjective applied to a first person pronoun. $A75 had crossed out the pronoun and replaced with “it”. I realized that the adjective could not be applied to the self. It could only be applied to a second or third person pronoun. I thought about the paragraph which i had written for the vocabulary test, trying to figure out the usage of the word. I looked at the word on the paper and realized that it was “sequitus”. I remembered the word.

12005 February 04

I rode my bicycle to the west, down the dirt trail which led through the dense forest. There were tall pine trees all around, and there seemed to be tall mountains to the northwest. The air seemed cold, as though it was late autumn. I felt as though i had to catch up to the others. They were ahead of me on the trail. I felt very tired, though, and was having trouble pedaling my bicycle. I felt as though i could not keep up. I was breathing heavily and had to get off of the bicycle and walk. I pushed the bicycle up the dirt hill, feeling upset that i could no longer keep up with the others. The others seemed to be on the running team. I now seemed to be to the north of a gorge as i pushed my bicycle to the west. I could not see into the gorge, but i was aware that it was there, on the other side of the trees. I came to the top of the hill and found myself in a clearing. The damp ground here had patches of snow. I continued along the trail, heading to the west, along the southern side of the short metal chain-link fence. As i went a few steps farther, i realized that the trail ended suddenly at the rim of the gorge. It looked as though the trail had been washed away some time ago. I felt upset, thinking that i would have to travel all the way back to get around the fence and continue down the trail. I turned around and started back. There seemed to be some other people with me. The snow on the ground seemed very wet, as though it was old and staring to melt. I headed back to the northeast, following the trail back over the small open section of land. I now seemed to be on a narrow piece of land which extended into the gorge. The land had widened to the south, and there was a slight depression between the point of the ridge and the main cliff to the north. I jogged across the small depression, thinking about the trail which used to be here. The ground in the depression was wet because the water could not drain quickly from it. The trail which crossed this area was called “Buffalo Trail”. It was the spot where the animals used to cross the gorge in the old days, but now it was washed out, into the gorge. There seemed to be something sad in the idea that the trail was now gone. The animals which used to use it would no longer be able to come here, and were now gone from this area. I looked to the north to see the others jogging back down the main trail. The main trail had turned to the northwest at the clearing by the beginning of the metal fence. I had followed the old trail which ended in the gorge. The trail to the east seemed clear and wide, with nothing on the grassy ground. To the northwest, the trail was equally as clear. The others jogged through the clearing where the trail junction was, heading to the east. They were wearing white track-team tank tops. $F4 was running at the beginning of the pack. I wanted to run with them, but i felt that i could not anymore. There was something wrong, and i felt out of shape. I felt weak and did not think that i could keep up with the others. There was something wrong with me which prevented me from keeping up. I stopped and looked up at the car, which was not sitting in the driveway in front of me. I had just gotten out of the car and was now talking with the other person near me. Something felt wrong I was aware that someone was watching me. I had to get into the house so that they could not see me. I now seemed to be in the driveway of my parents’ house, and i wanted to go into the house, but i felt that i could not let the people watching me to know who i was. I felt that they were behind me, to the west. I turned to the southwest, spotting a helicopter hovering low over the trees across the street. It was not that close, and i could not hear any sound from it. I quickly turned back around, feeling nervous. I should not have let them see my face. Now they could identify me. The rounded black helicopter was from the government. I felt scared and wondered what i should do. I had to get inside where they could not watch me, but i was afraid that they had already seen me. I became angry with them, but still felt scared of what they might do to me.

12005 February 10

There were workers on the dirt mound to the west of us. The mound ran north to south, along the western edge of the area. To the east, there seemed to be a long factory building made of stone. The building was old and worn. The workers were working on the tunnel which ran from the hill to the south, into the tall mountain. The western hills seemed very steep, rising just to the west of the mound which now seemed to be a rail bed. I felt angry with the workers as i watched them walk around by the entrance to the tunnel. They wore blue coveralls. I felt that they were part of the ruling class who was taking advantage of us. I felt that they considered themselves special. They spoke to the other workers in a manner which seemed demeaning, acting superior in their tone. I felt angry with them because i though that they were unjust. I spoke to the man near me. We were being forced to work here, and it seemed that we were in the service of the others. I told the man that the trains were all coming from the east. We had to take all shipments from the east, but we were not allowed to ship our goods back to them. I felt that they had designed the railway so that the trains would only work in one direction. I looked at the colonnade to the west, which ran on both sides of the track now. We seemed to be in a large cavernous room, and the colonnade ran along the western wall, just touching the ceiling. A white train with orange stripes passed through the columns as it came out of the tunnel to the east and continued to the northwest. The smokestacks on the train were slanted backward, and i knew that this slant prevented the train from returning to the east in the tunnel. The stacks could slide through the tunnel in only one direction because the train and the tunnel had been designed to work this way, even though the ruling class would not admit it. I felt that they made the tunnel that way so that they could push their products on us from the east, but we would not be able to push our products back to them. I felt that it was unfair. I turned around and headed to the south, now just inside the old factory building. The wall to the west of us was supported by a row of large columns. Archways spanned the area between the columns. I came to one of the last archways on the southern end of the building. To the west of me was a rectangular room, enclosed by the columns of the outer wall and a line of columns on the inner wall. There seemed to be several rooms between the two walls to the north of us. The place seemed dingy, and the ground was made of dirt. To the west of me, in the middle of the room, was a large rectangular hole. There was only enough room on the outside of the hole for a narrow rim of dirt. We had to fix something in this room to get the railroads running both east and west. It was a simple fix, but we could not let anyone know what we had done or the ruling class would take further measures to prevent the trains from running fairly. The other man was helping me. I stepped on the east side of the hole, looking down into the dark shaft, which now seemed very deep. The cement walls of the shaft seemed dirty and crumbling. The other man had made it to the western side of the shaft by carefully climbing around the surface of the southern rim. He hopped from the southern wall onto the sill of the large arched window in the western wall. I thought that it was very dangerous to cross the shaft along the thin southern rim. The rim was too thin and crumbly to balance on. I wondered how i should cross the shaft. I felt unsure. I then noticed the old wooden ladder which was resting across the shaft. I wondered if the other man had used it to balance himself as he crossed, stepping one foot off of the ladder to keep his balance on the thin southern rim. I thought that the ladder looked too unstable, though, and was afraid that it would break and fall into the pit if stepped on. I could not see the bottom of the dark pit, so i felt afraid of the height. I would have to cross the pit carefully on the south end. I stepped carefully onto the rim, but felt uncertain. It was too narrow to balance on. The other man offered me his hand from the western side of the pit but then withdrew, saying that he did not think it would be of much use. I would not be able to balance, but i thought that i could jump off of the rim to the sill of the west wall. I then realized that there would not be enough room on the sill to land. I would hit the wall and bounce back. I told the man to open the window behind him to give me more room to lean. I then realized that i could climb in from the outside of the building. The man told me that the screen would not come out of the windows. I looked at the large arching windows on the west wall. The glass in the windows was covered with grime so that i could not see through them. I asked the man to make sure that he could not open the screen. I then realized that there was a person walking on the flat ground to the west of the pit. There was a red oriental rug covering the ground there, and several furnishings around the small area. I suddenly wondered how they got there. I looked at the short Indian woman in the dark blue robes and white shawl who was crossing the rug to the south. I asked her how she had crossed the shaft. As i looked bark to the center of the shaft, however, i noticed that there was a strip of white carpeting stretching across the northern end of the pit. I wondered why i had not seen it before. I stepped across the carpet toward the western side of the room. I looked over the windows, looking for openings. I thought that there must be a way to sneak into the room from the outside. Looking out the window, however, i could not see any easy way back in, so i turned around and walked back into the center of the room, realizing that there was now water on the floor. I looked to the west, at the high dirt mound which ran along the western side of the area. I tried to think of a way that we could make the trains fairer. I was standing on the slope of the western wall now, looking to the south as a second wave splashed over the dirt embankment. The embankment ran along the western side of the area, and the railroad tracks ran along the top of the embankment. The embankment curved to the southeast, to the south of where i was, closing off the area on the south. I slid down the eastern side of the embankment and onto the western side of the area as another wave rolled over the top of the southern part of the mound. I said something to the other about the trains. The others had something to do with the house that i was just in to the northeast. The dirt area to the west of the old factory was enclosed by the tracks to the west and south. The tracks then continued to the north, parallel to the wall of the low cement factory building. Another wave poured oven the southern part of the tracks, and i realized that the water was filling the basin between the tracks and the building. I felt concerned, but i did not know what to do. I then realized that another train was coming from the south. I told the others about the train, feeling mad that yet another train was bringing stuff to our area. The train passed to the north, but it was quickly followed by another train. To my surprise, there were many trains in a row. They kept coming from the south. I wondered how there could be so many trains coming. It mad me very upset, I felt that it was not fair. They were allowed to ship us merchandise, but we could not send things back to them. I felt that we were being taken advantage of, and i was very angry.

12005 February 11

I flew to the east, down the long cement hall of the building. This place seemed like a college dormitory, but it was large and tall, as though it was a modern high-rise. The walls of the corridor seemed thick and uneven, as though this was a subterranean passageway, but i knew that i was on one of the upper floors of the building. I lived here, in one of the rooms. Three seemed to be a row of rooms to the south, and the central part of the building to the north. I passed under one of the thick square beams which spanned the corridor, pushing off of it as i passed. I enjoyed flying. I felt very free while i was doing it. There was a woman standing on the northern side of the wide corridor ahead. She was a maid for the building, and she was looking at the old-fashioned jukebox which was standing against the north wall. I looked at her as i passed. She was a thin woman, wearing a dull light-blue uniform. I remembered that my room was on the north side of the hall. It was number 555. I looked at the blue doors as i floated down the hall to the east, trying to read the brass numbers in the middle of them. I could not quite make out the numbers on the door, but i felt as though i was on the correct floor. I then looked ahead of me again. There was a maid in a dull green dress standing on the northern side of the wide corridor ahead, looking at the old-fashioned jukebox which was standing against the north wall. I remembered that someone had donated the jukebox to the dorm. It had a rounded top, with coloured tubes of glass arching over the glass face. It seemed like a nice jukebox, and i wondered how well it would play the old 45-rpm phonographs. I then looked to the east again, noticing that i was coming to the end of the corridor. Ahead of me, the corridor opened up into a wide room with a very high ceiling. I flew out into the large room with dull-green walls. I realized that this was the lobby of the building. The corridor had ended in the southern end of the western wall of the lobby. There seemed to be a semicircular counter in the middle of the western wall, just to the north of the corridor. A man in a suit and tie seemed to be standing behind it. The main doors into the building were in the center of the north wall, and there seemed to be another corridor leading into the building just to the north of the reception counter. I was actually surprised to find the lobby here. I usually go down the stairs at the northeast corner of the building to get back to the lobby. I realized that i could have come down the stairs at this end of the building to get out as well. I then thought that the stairs to get back to my room must be on the western side of the northern wall, no the west of the main door. I turned to the south and started to fly again. I had been standing in the northern side of the room, and i was heading back to the corridor on the southern end of the western wall. I felt that i was special because i was able to fly. I then thought about flying and realized that i was pulling with my arms, as though i was swimming through the air. I thought that the others were watching me as i moved down the long hall. Aware of their stares, i thought that my movements should look more like flying than swimming. I needed to pull through the air like a bird would. I kicked with my feet to keep my momentum up, but then realized that such kicking was from swimming. I altered the kick so that it was a dolphin kick, which i thought would look more like a flying animal. I felt as though i had to fake the motion, knowing that i had to kick and swim just to move. I entered the long corridor again and started moving to the west. I was looking for my room.

I walked into the hotel with my mother, heading south in to the lobby. I recognized this place. The walls were covered with thick pale-green folds of cloth. This place looked very much like a building i had seen in my dreams. This was the first time i had been to this building, but it was familiar enough to me because i had dreamed about it. The entrance hall was very tall, with windows somewhere high on the wall. The curved fake-wood reception desk was in the center of the western wall. I remembered the long corridors which led out of the lobby and into the center of the building from the dream. They should be in the western wall of the lobby. I remembered that there was a room on the corridor which i was looking for. All of the rooms were numbered in the 500s. I felt excited that this place so closely matched my dreams. The stiff carpeting of the room was also green. I stepped down the rounded white stairs of the entrance door and into the main part of the lobby, heading south. To the south of the reception desk was a counter with a gold-coloured top. I remembered it from before. I looked at the counter, which had two arms on either side of it, as though it was a very large chair. For a moment, it looked like a wooden chair, but, as i focused on it, i realized that it was a table with two raised pieces on either end which resembled the arms of a chair. I then thought about the table and tried to remember whether it was in my dream or not. I decided that it was in the dream. It was a strange detail of the hotel, and i had seen it in my dreams. I started to walk to the south, past the man in the dark jacket and white shirt. He was the matre’d of the hotel, and he stopped me as i started to go past. My mother was following me. He told us that our rooms were to the west, and i wondered whether we would be in the room i had seen in my dreams. I then realized that this was not correct. We should have been in the room on the other corridor, where the numbers were in the 500s, but the man said that we were in a room number in the 200s. Something seemed wrong with this. It did not match the dream closely enough, and i felt that it couldn’t be correct. We should not have been in a different room from the dream. I followed my mother down the hall to the west. The hall was narrow, with pale green walls which were covered with the same glossy fabric as the walls in the lobby. The walls of the corridor bowed slightly to the south, making a gentle S shape of the corridor. This hall was different from my dream, but is still seemed very familiar, as though i had seen it somewhere else. As we started around the bow in the corridor, i realized that the thick green cloth hanging on the northern side of the corridor was really covering an open space. I knew that there were exhibits behind the curtain on a wide curved stage. I remembered this display form the dream, and i felt excited about the place again. My mother stopped to the east of the curtain to open a door on the north wall. I told her that the curtain was covering an automated show. There would be things on the decorative stage which would move and talk, but they would all be animated machines. I had watched the show in a dream, though i could not remember much about it now. The details of the place were very exact, though. Then, the black curtain which was hanging on the north side of the corridor drew to the side, exposing a pinkish-red stage. A matching curtain pulled open on the south wall, showing a shallower stage which curved with the corridor. The lights changed, and the room was filled with multicoloured sparkles. Waves of coloured light drifted across the walls of the room as music started to play. This was a psychedelic show from a long time ago. It seemed as though it had been designed in the 11970s. I felt excited, thinking that this was just like in my dream. I told my mother how this show was happening like the one which i had seen in my dreams. She sat down on the edge of the southern stage and watched the lights move across the round northern stage. Excited, i watched the show to see what would happen next.

I was lying on the large bed with $F12. He was lying to the south of me. I felt sleepy, as though i had just been woken up, and i was still partly under the white sheets. $F12 rolled toward me and put his right arm over me, hugging me. I felt suddenly strange, thinking that it was not like him to express himself in a physical manner. I felt unsure about him. I knew that i liked being with him, and i was happy to express my affection to him physically, but i did not understand his interest in me. It was not normal for him to be so forward. I thought that he should be more unsure about his feelings. He pulled himself on top of me and gave me a fuller hug. I hugged him back, enjoying the closeness. I then wondered whether he was actually interested in me in a sexual manner. I lifted my right leg slightly, rubbing it into his crotch. He put his right hand under the base of my head and pulled himself to my chest, moaning as though he enjoyed the sensation. I thought that this situation was very strange, but he seemed to like what i was doing. I wanted to hug him more, but i was uncomfortable with the situation. I liked him a lot, but i did not think that he would really be interested in me in the same way.

12005 February 14

I walked to the west, down the long hall of the building. I felt frustrated. I was with my family, and we could not seem to get out of the building. We had been wandering around in the building for a while now. I turned to the south, telling my relatives to come with me. I thought that we should head south for a better chance of reaching an outside door. My grandmother followed me. My mother was with her, and my father was somewhere behind us. I turned to the south and walked through the door and into the stairwell. I started down the dull-yellow metal stairs, heading down to the south. The stairs heading up were to the west of me. The room around the staircase seemed wide, with plain black walls. I started down the stairs, but realized that it was very difficult to climb down the stairs. I knew that my grandmother would not want to follow me because it seemed too complicated, but i felt that we had to get out of this building. I was frustrated as i tried to climb over the metal railing of the staircase. I now seemed to be climbing on a thin structure which hung out over the wide room. Other pieces of the catwalk ran to the west of me, but they now seemed like yellow utility pipes. I was climbing through a mix of thick pipes and slanted catwalks. My grandmother walked to the west of me, on the floor of the wide black room. I felt frustrated, knowing that we could not find a place to get out. I then realized that we should be able to see exit signs in this part of the stairwell. I looked to the southwest and noticed that there was a door in the western part of the southern wall. A red exit sign hung over the top of the door. I pointed it out to my mother and grandmother, who were now walking around to the southwest of me. I then noticed that the corridor, which led off to the north from the western end of the northern wall, also had an exit sign over it. None of the signs were lighted, and i started to feel upset that none of the signs were accurate. They were just put there to confuse people. I looked around the room and realized that my grandmother and mother had already made it down to the floor of the room. They did not have to climb over the pipes that i was trying to navigate. I looked to the southeast, over the edge of the platform on which i was standing to see that i was only a few metres from the ground. I climbed over the railing and looked for a place to jump down. As i looked to the southwest, i noticed that the floor of the room was made of car batteries. They were lined up in a large grid with black or red plastic caps covering the tops of the terminals. I stepped onto a red battery cap and started walking to the west, looking for exit signs. There was a large open room to the west which seemed like a cafeteria. I started for it, thinking that my relatives would follow me. I then realized that a woman from the factory was talking to my mother. She was trying to convince them to go in another direction. The people from the factory did not want them to leave the building, but i felt determined to escape. I walked to the north a little and peered around the corner of the wood-paneled wall into the wider part of the room. The wall was on the southern part of the cafeteria. There seemed to be a cafeteria counter along the west wall of the wide room. The room had dull-green walls and very high ceilings. Many people were gathered in the center of the room, eating around long rectangular tables. The eastern end of the room seemed wider, stretching farther to the south than the western end, making the room L shaped. I rounded the corner in the center of the room and looked at the wooden doors in the southern wall. The signs on the door told me that they were to a banquet room. I realized that there would be windows and emergency doors in the banquet room which would lead out of the building. I felt determined to walk into the banquet room and through the crowd eating there. However, i was aware that my relatives were being drawn away by the people who worked in the factory. I told my grandmother that i was going into the banquet room and urged all of my relatives to follow. I told them that it was a way out. I passed one of the employees of the factory, who seemed concerned but did not try to stop me. The banquet room to the south was filled with round tables of people eating. The tables were covered with white tablecloths and everyone seemed to be dressed in business suits. I felt as though i would be intruding on the banquet, but i knew that this was the best chance to get out of the factory. I could see outside windows along the western wall of the banquet room. I urged my family to follow, but i was determined to leave the building with or without them. I headed into the banquet room, past one of the waiters. I could see an exit door on the southern end of the western wall. As i headed for it, i suddenly wondered whether it would lead to the street or whether i would just find myself trapped within a chain-link fence on the factory grounds.

12005 February 15

I stood up with the others as we started to get off of the bus. The bus was facing east and was parked at the campsite. Someone stood on the southern side of the bus, telling us what to expect when we got off. The woman said that this was Canada, and that the Canadians spoke a form of French. She said that it was polite to greet them in French, but we did not have to know how to be fluent in the language. The south side of the bus then opened up. It now seemed that the inside of the bus had been somewhat dark, and it was noticeable lighter outside. The sky seemed overcast, but very bright. There was a group of men waiting for us just outside the bus. They were wearing dark suits with white shirts underneath. As the crowd from the bus started to exit, i thought that i could greet one of the men in French with a fairly good French accent. I knew that i could mimic the accent, but then i thought that they might think that i actually spoke French. The people from the bus pushed to the southeast, into the crowd of men who were standing outside. I wanted to say hello to one of them, but noticed a man from the southwest approaching the bus as i got off. He had dark hair and seemed East Asian. I said “Bon jour, monsieur.” to him, and he greeted me in return. I felt a little disappointed that i did not get to say it to some of the other men standing to the south of the bus. As i started to the south, toward the old cabin, i listened to the men at the stop greeting the other passengers. It sounded as though they were saying “bon journo”. I thought that this sounded more Italian than French. I ran through the French saying in my head, but could not hear anyone in the crowd saying it the same way i had envisioned. I wondered suddenly whether Canadians simply pronounced it differently than the French. I continued to the south, into the old wooden cabin. We were all to stay in this cabin. I walked into the front door and looked to the east. There seemed to be a large living room to the west, just inside the door, but everyone was heading to the east, toward the kitchen. The walls inside were pale green, and there seemed to be a hallway running north to south just outside the kitchen, which was to the east of me. I walked toward the kitchen door, noticing the long rectangular folding table which was erected to the north of the kitchen door. There were a few things on the table, and i looked at in as i tried to think of something. The others were down the hall to the north. Everyone had to find a place to sleep for the night, and the others were socializing with the people who ran the cabin. I felt out of place here, as though i could not quite figure out what to do. I listened to the others talking to the north of me and realized that $F10 was with them. He was always very good at socializing. I was aware that he was talking to one of the women who ran the cabin. She stood just to the north of me, but i was focusing on the few items that were on the wooden table against the east wall. I wondered what i should do. I felt very out of place here. I looked to the south, down the hall. There were a few doors on the eastern side of the corridor which led into bedrooms. Several people were already setting up their things. Everyone seemed cheerful here. I thought that i would have to find a bunk as well, but i could not think of what to do. I wanted to talk to $F10, but i could not focus on this place.

I moved around in the small living room on the northeast corner of the cabin. The others had just entered through the outside door on the eastern side of the northern wall. We were all sleeping here. I thought that i was only in this room temporarily and that i should move into one of the other rooms. I looked to the east. There was an opening in the room which led out into a north to south corridor. On the opposite side of the corridor was a kitchen. The walls of the room seemed to be made of dark bare wood. The others hovered near the exit door as i said something. I pulled the sheets over my bed, but then realized that the bed was too close to the western wall of the room. I was standing just to the west of the bed, against the western wall. To the north of me was an old wood stove. It kept the room heated in the wintertime. I thought that it would be very nice to have the stove near the head of the bed, but the bed should really not be against the western wall. It took up too much space. I reached my hand over the black surface of the stove to see if it was warm. I thought that the stove was actually electric because i did not remember ever having to put wood into it. I had lived in this apartment a long time ago and was now back to stay here with the others. I pictured the front of the cabin. It seemed to be set back from the road in a wooded area. The area was now bare of leaves and it seemed like late winter or early spring. The others walked out of the room, and i considered moving my things into one of the larger bedrooms of the house. I knew that the others would not be staying. I also felt that i was paying more rent to stay here, so i should move into one of the larger rooms. I headed to the east, toward the kitchen. I thought that there was a larger bedroom to the south of the kitchen which i should take. It seemed like the master bedroom, and i thought that it would be better than sleeping in the living room. I could sleep without being disturbed. I said something to $F10, who was with me in the house. It seemed that i was living with $F10 again, and i felt good about that. I wondered where he wanted to sleep. I paced around in the hallway near the kitchen. I walked into the larger bedroom to the south of the kitchen, just down the hall. There was a large white bed with its headboard in the center of the eastern wall. There seemed to be rustic wood furnishings on either side of the bed. I felt that i should get a better room before the new people moved in. I wanted to say something to $F10.

I was lying on the large bed in the eastern room of the apartment. It seemed early in the morning, and i had not quite gotten out of bed yet. The headboard of the bed was against the western wall, and i was sleeping on the northern side of the bed, facing north. There was a small nightstand just to the north of me. $F10 came into the room from the east and sat on the southern side of the bed. I had returned to this apartment, where i had lived long ago. $F10 was staying here with me. It felt good to be hanging out with him again. I rolled over and watched him as he laid down on the bed, putting his hands under his head as he reclined. I felt very close to him. We started to talk about something, but it seemed that he was trying to comfort me. He was not wearing a shirt, and i could see that he still had very nice detail on his upper body. I thought about the apartment which we were now living in. It seemed strange to be back here with $F10, but i was very comforted to be here. I turned to say something to him and noticed that he was trying to scratch off one of the nails on his hand. He bit the end of the nail and tried to peal the edge off. I chuckled at him and asked if he wanted a nail clipper to make it easier. He chuckled as well and said that he would use one. I rolled back over to the north and opened the small drawer on the front of the small dark bedside table. There was a pair of metal nail clippers inside with a red rubber band around the narrow end. I pulled the clippers out and looked at them. $F10 said that he had been talking on the telephone to other people. He said that the others wanted to know if i was gay. He inflected the statement so that it came out as a question. I knew that he was asking if i was gay. I told him that i was as i handed the clippers to $F10. As he took them, i asked whether he had known that i was gay, implying that he should have. He said that he did know, so i rolled back over and sat up on the northern side of the bed. I looked back at $F10, wondering why he was being physically intimate with me. I wondered what had happened with his wife, thinking that she must be at home somewhere. I knew that he would return to her and tried to figure out why he was here with me. I stood up and headed to the east, into the kitchen. I knew that the other bedrooms of the house were now open, so i thought that i should move my things into one of them. I looked to the south as i started out of the living room. There seemed to be many beds in the living room. The one i was in was against the western wall, but there were two more against he eastern wall. The corridor out of the living room ran form the northern side of the room. The exit door to the room was in the eastern end of the northern wall, just a little beyond the eastern wall of the living room. Just to the east of the door was another wall which ran only a short distance before ending in the passageway to the hallway to the east. Directly across the hallway from the living room was the green kitchen. I knew that there was another bedroom just to the south of the kitchen, along the hallway. It was the master bedroom of the house. I thought that i should take that bedroom so that i would be out of the main room when the others were here. It would be easier to sleep in a closed room. I started down the hall to the south, saying something to $F10 as i went. There seemed to be two more bedrooms down the hall to the south. This house was a lot bigger than i had thought it was. I really liked this place and thought that it felt comfortable. I thought that i should buy the entire house, but then thought that i would still have to rent out the rooms to other people. I then wondered how i could afford to buy the house. I did not think that i really had that much money. I talked to $F10 about where i should sleep. I could not make up my mind as to which room i should sleep in. I then looked into the doorway to the west and noticed that i was looking into the dining room of the house. There were two small square tables with bright-red tablecloths oven them. Four black wooden chairs surrounded each of the tables. The polished floor was made of a medium-stained wood. There was a doorway on the northern end of the western wall, and i realized that this was the room i had seen from this living room. I had thought that this room was a bedroom, but it was really a dining room. I then noticed that it did have a small blue bed nestled into the southwest corner of the room. I said something to $F10 about the beds, and he agreed that the room was not a bedroom. I told him that i thought it was. Then i pointed out that it did have a small bed in it, so someone would have to sleep there. I turned to the south and walked down the hall for a short bit before turning to the west again. There was a large green bathroom. The walls of the room were pale green, and there was a good amount of space in the center of the room. I walked to the west, remembering the large tub which was set into an elevated platform on the western end of the room. A shower curtain hung open to the south on a metal bar. I called to $F10, reminding him of the tub and telling him excitedly that it had water jets in it. I said something else about where everyone would be sleeping, and $F10 said that he would be staying “here”. I turned to see to where he was referring. I walked back out of the bathroom, to the south, and into the large bedroom on the southern end of the house. $F10 was standing next to the western wall of the room with his left hand on a bed. The bed was set into the wall about half way up the wall. The bed hung out over the wall by about a deci, and there was a counter of brightly coloured tiles below it. A sink was set into the counter, and i could see multicoloured fixtures for toothbrushes and bathroom items. This room was designed for children. I looked around the large room and noticed that there were two other beds in the walls, one in the southern wall and another to the east. The entire room was brightly coloured with lights and high windows all around. I liked the look of the room and thought that i should sleep here as well. It would be nice to be in the same room as $F10, but i felt unsure about being so close. I looked to the east and noticed that the entire eastern side of the room was a bathroom with a large tub set into the floor. The tub was dark blue with metallic sparkles on it. I started toward the tub, realizing that i would need to take a shower. I had been sleeping before i got up, and i felt dirty. I would have to get clean before i would have to go to work. I felt comfortable in this place, and i wanted to talk to $F10 more. I mentioned that i would need a shower, but i continued looking around the room. This place was very nice, and it was nice to be with $F10 again.

12005 February 21

I was watching the television, which was to the west of me. I was standing in the room. The man said something about the network, and i realized that i was watching “Q Network”. I had heard about it, but did not think that it was on any of the local cable networks. I wanted to tell $F45 that he actually got the network. I seemed to be in his living room now, where the television was in the southwestern corner of the room. I looked down at the cable box under his set and saw the blue LED display which told me that the network was on channel 22. I should tell $F45 this.

12005 February 23

We were traveling across the country, and it seemed that we were in the western United States. $Z was with me, and i looked at the map that he was showing me. The area around us seemed like desert, and i thought about the affect that the dry air would have on us. I held one of the folded maps, looking at the areas of dark green and tan. Then i was looking at the other map, which seemed to be of the United States, except that it was mirrored so that the western part of the country was on the right-hand side of the map. There was a line in red where we had been traveling. I felt as though we had started near the upper border of the country, somewhere west of the center, and then traveled to the southwest, into the desert areas. The travel to the southwest was marked by a jagged line to the right and down on the map. I then looked at the other map that $Z was holding to the right of me. It seemed to be a different map of the same area. This area seemed like Utah, but there was something dangerous about it. I looked to the southeast, across the rocky ground. I followed $Z to the east, over the rough terrain of dusty tan soil which was embedded with large red jagged rocks. I then saw the young boy in the red cape and orangish-tan clothing running to the south, over the dirt mount just to the south of us. He was one of the rebels in this area, and i felt suspicious of him. He must have been plotting something and was now running away to hide from us. We started after him, thinking that we had to catch him before he and the others plotted something dangerous to the public. I ran ahead of $Z, but could not see where the boy had gone. The rebels were very good at hiding among the terrain. I turned to the north and then circled back to the west, back to where $Z was sitting on a rock. The hill stood to the south of us, and i was walking to the west along its northern face. We seemed to be only a few metres from the bottom of the slope. As i turned to the southwest to head toward where $Z was sitting, i felt a cold draft on my right side. I looked down and noticed a small hole in the ground to the north of me, just to the south of a large bolder. I remembered that this ground was riddled with small caverns and passageways that the rebels would use. As i passed the hole, i wondered whether anyone was watching me from it as i walked. I stopped just to the north of $Z, noticing another small hole to the south of him. He was sitting, facing north. I told him that we had to get out of here. There was something dangerous about this place. I looked around, noticing the small town just to the north of us. There was a long adobe building to the northeast, and a public square to the northwest. I said something to $Z, who also seemed a lot like $F10, as i looked to the north at the tourists and townspeople. I suddenly noticed another young boy in a dull red hooded cape running down the hill and into the long tan building. The others around the area did not know how dangerous he could be. I felt that we had to catch him, so we started to the east, down the long corridor of the building. The corridor was dark, and seemed to be underground. There was a light to the east which cast bright light down the corridor, allowing me to see only a silhouette of $Z in front of me against the reflection of light on the cement walls. The cement walls seemed damp, and there were openings to small rooms on either side. I was aware of the rooms to the south, which seemed to be connected. This place seemed like an abandoned factory, and i started to feel uncomfortable here. I felt that we were vulnerable here. I told $Z, who was moving down the corridor ahead of me, that we had to get out of here. I turned around and was standing in the square, back outside the building. The round pool of water stood about a metre tall to the east of me, and several tourists meandered around the area. I walked to the southeast side of the pool and dipped my hands into the water. I took a small sip, but then realized that the water was cloudy with green particulate matter. I remembered that water in these parts of the world was not as pure as it was where i came from. I thought that i should just drink it. If it was good for the locals, it should be all right for me to drink. I still felt uneasy, though, and decided that the rebels might have poisoned the water of the town. I tried to focus on what i was doing, but could not decide what i should do. I had to do something to warn the others about the tainted water, but i was still unsure whether it was poisoned or just dirty with algae. I felt concerned, but did not know what to do. I was aware of the rebels to the southeast of us, and i could not understand why they would want to harm me.

There were two single beds in the hotel room, both with their headboards against the southern wall. I was sitting on the eastern bed with the other man, and $F45 was sitting on the yellow bedspread of the western bed. There seemed to be a cheap wooden cabinet with a drawer between the beds, against the southern wall. There also seemed to be a tall wooden lamp with a large white cylindrical shade on top of the cabinet. I was joking with the man who was on the bed with me. I grabbed his arms from behind and pulled him down onto his back to the west of me. He seemed to be lying across my lap with his arms pinned down at his sides. He was not wearing a shirt, and i could see that he was nicely detailed in his upper body, with smooth tan skin. He seemed to be very attractive, and i was interested in being erotic with him. I joked with him as i held him down, knowing that he might not be interested in me. I was also aware that i could not be too serious with the man because i might upset $F45. When i looked at the man, however, i felt that i wanted to wrestle him. As i said something to the man, i was aware that $F45 stood up and walked to the door in the northern end of the eastern wall. I thought that he might be upset with me, but i did not stop pushing around the other man. I felt that it would be okay to fool around with the man because it was only a transitory feeling. I watched $F45 leave, and then i turned my attention back to the man. I rubbed his chest and watched as he responded to the stimulation with pleasure. I tried to think that this did not matter, but i moved to the west, pushing the man to the east of me. The man started to push back. I then heard someone in the hall to the east talking. I realized that $F45 must have run into a maid. She wanted to clean the room, but he was talking to her. I felt suddenly serious and thought that we should not be fooling around if the maid came in. I told the other man to stop, but he did not understand that i was serious. I worried that the maid would come in, so i told the other man to stop in a more serious manner as i pushed him off of me, to the north. I stood up, and found myself in the small store. There was a glass window in the southeastern corner of the room which cut across the corner at a fourty-five degree angle to the other walls. There were a few women standing behind the window, which seemed to be a counter. Other people were milling around the store around me. I started to turn to the west when one of the women asked my about my watch. She wanted to know where it was made. I looked down at the watch and tried to read the small red print at the bottom of the face. I paced to the west, not feeling interested in what the woman had to say. I read the text and put my arm down, but then could not remember what i had read. I stopped and looked at the text again, thinking that it was the name of a farm store near where i lived. I focused on the words, but could not seem to find the title of the store. Finally, i saw that it was named something “and feed” store, where the something was two words. I told the woman the label as she stood just to the east of me. She asked if she could see the watch, so i handed it to her. She turned and walked back to the window. I turned to the west and said something to the people i had come here with. I then realized that the woman might be doing something to the watch. I walked back to the southeast, to the window in the corner of the store. The three women were looking at the watch with the green band as the woman in the center held it on its edge as she tried to unscrew the back plate. I felt annoyed with them and snatched the watch back. I then turned and walked back to the western side of the store, passing to the north of a table of off-white and tan, fuzzy, knitted blankets. I said something to $F45’s parents, who were standing to the west of me. I wondered whether i should say anything about the man that i was with on the bed. I felt uncomfortable in this situation, but did not know how to explain what had happened. I turned with them and headed to the north, toward the cars which were parked along the northern edge of the gravel parking lot. As we approached the cars, i thought that i should explain about the man that i was fooling around with, but i could not think of what to say.

12005 February 24

I stepped to the east, looking at the others, who were to the south of me. We were getting ready for a run of $G4. The open ground around us was snowy, and there was a forested hill to the south. I passed the others, asking about the run. I mentioned that we would be ending up at the cabin by the lake, which i knew was just on the southern side of the hill. $A380 corrected me, saying that $A381 and $A379 were staying in the cabin, but were not doing the run. I told him that i thought they were doing the run as i started to move to the south. I then remembered that we would not be running this course, but cross-country skiing it. I started to move to the southeast, along the short hill which circled the round pond. There seemed to be a road on the top of the hill, and there were several sets of skis on the ground along the inside edge of the road. The cabins were on the northwest side of the lake, at the edge of the forest, at the bottom of the bell-shaped hill. I thought that i would have to find myself a good pair of skis because i did not own any myself. As i rounded the eastern side of the pond, i seemed to be skiing past the boots and skis which were lying on the ground. I came to a stop on the northern side of the pond, where the other person was standing. I told him that i had to find a pair of skis, thinking that the ones that i was wearing were only temporary. I pressed the end of my ski pole into the black metal tap at the toe of by right foot, telling the other person that i would have to find a set of skis which had bindings that matched my boots. He agreed that it would not be easy to find.

12005 February 28

I was moving quickly through the old building. I walked to the south, into the long, narrow room. I entered the room through the wooden door on the western end of the northern wall. The door was made of thick wood, and had a thick pane of frosted glass in the top half. The northern wall of the room seemed to be covered with similar panes of glass, held in by darkly stained wooden beams. The room was wide east to west, but shallow north to south. There was a black stone laboratory counter on the northern wall, to the east of the door, and all along the southern wall. There was only enough space between the counters for a few people to pass. There seemed to be a room to the south, at a higher level than where we were now. There were windows high up on the southern wall which let light in through the upper room. There also seemed to be wooden stairs on the eastern end of the southern wall which led up to a door. The bottom of the door was just above the level of the counters. I had been trapped in this building with the bad guys. They had taken over the building, and i was looking for a place to hide from them. This room seemed like a closet when i had broken in, but now it seemed like a laboratory. The men with guns had taken over the building, and i felt that i had to hide from them. I also felt that i had to interfere with their plans to take this place over. I paced around the room, wondering what to do. I then opened a closet door in the eastern side of the room and hurriedly dug around for something useful. I was then watching myself finding something in the closet. The man to the south of me held up a metal plate. I know that it was one of the lead plates for the nuclear reactor, but he held it to his chest for protection. It would protect me from the men with the guns. As the man held the plate, i watched two bullets bounce off of it. I then wondered why bullets would bounce off of lead plates. The metal was soft enough that they should have embedded themselves. I moved around the room, thinking that the bad men were here because of the nuclear reactor. I had to do something to prevent them from using the nuclear reactor to hurt others. I thought that i should stop the reactor. I know more about science than they did, so i should be able to turn off the reactor before they knew i was in the building. They would not know what had happened. They would just realize that the reactor would not heat up when they wanted it to. I turned to the north to watch the man standing in front of the control panel. The panel was to the west of the man, on a short wall of the room. The top part of the panel slanted out from the wall on top, and was covered with a large screen that showed small red things. The man pressed some buttons on the horizontal panel below the screen, and i saw the picture of the carbon rods being inserted into the reactor. The man, who seemed like me, did something else, and i watched the image of two pieces moving together. The two pieces were round, and had long black rods attached to one side. The rods were arranged so that when the tow pieces were brought together, the rods from the top piece would slip between the rods from the lower piece. I watched as the rods moved together and fit into each other. I knew that these were the fuel rods, but i realized that bringing them together would heat up the reactor. I was moving them in the wrong direction. I changed the controls so that the black objects on the red screen started pulling apart. Once the top one disappeared off the top of the screen, i knew that the reactor would be shut down. I then thought that i had to defend myself from the men with the guns. I knew that they would be back. I moved to the south wall of the room with the stone counters as i imagined them coming. I thought that they were in the hall outside the laboratory now. I remembered the lead plate which i had found and thought that i could use the chemicals in the room to make a battery. I could electrify the door so that they could not easily get in. I then thought that the first soldier would get a shock from the door, but the next would simply shoot out the door. As i tried to find a place to hide in the room which was out of the range of the bullets they would shoot, i thought that i just needed another plate and some acid to make a battery. I imagined that there was a large tub of liquid just to the south of the door where i had put the plates. The dull metal lead plate was on the northern side of the wide tank, and the brownish metal plate was on the south side. I thought that the electric change would pull the two plates together. The brown plate then spoke to me, saying that it was being pulled into the lead plate. I said that it was because they were getting charged by the acid. I imagined that there were small white blocks between the plates, holding them apart, and the blocks were there. I thought about how the plates would slowly become changed as the ions from them started to dissolve in the acid. I then thought that i would have to mix the acid correctly in the glass tank. I could not put too much acid into the water or the plates would dissolve. I seemed to have a highly concentrated form of the acid in a large glass bottle. I knew that i would have to put the water into the tank first and then pour the concentrated acid into the tank after because i could not pour water into acid. There were thin copper wires running from the opposing corners of the plates to the handle of the door. I looked at the door and imagined one of the soldiers getting a shock when trying to open it. I then wondered why i didn’t just use AC power form one of the wall outlets. I thought that i could easily plug the door handle into the wall outlet. Then i thought that putting the wires in the outlet might not be safe, so i thought that i could plug them into a power strip and turn on the strip from the red switch on the end of it. I thought that i would have to turn it on as the gunmen approached. I tried to think about this a little, and realized that i could not have both wires going to the door handle. I would have to put one somewhere else so that i created a circuit. I thought that i could put the ground wire on the floor. I would then have to stand on a stool so that i did not get a shock myself. I could also stand on top of the stone counters, thinking that they should be quite insulating. I then remembered the battery and wondered why i would build it in the first place. I decided that it would be useful in case the bad guys shut off the power to the building. I climbed up onto the counter along the southern wall, thinking that someone would refer to me as McGuiver for improvising with the simple technology to thwart the bad guys. I was not amused by the idea. I looked around the room, wondering how i could hide from the guns.