ZUDEMA

12005 April 02

Someone asked where all of the freshman go. I knew that it was not a question, but the start of a humourous declaration. I looked up to see $A383 holding onto the shoulder of a young man in the center of the room. I was sitting behind a table in the southeast corner of the room, facing west. The young man was wearing a white toga and had fuzzy black hair. He seemed interesting, but i did not know anything about him. He started talking, saying something funny as $A383 looked down, smiling tensely. $A383 was the boy’s father, and the boy seemed to be a freshman at college. I thought that he was just joining $G3, and his father seemed a little hesitant about it, thinking that his son was a little too boisterous. I said something to the person to the north of me. We talked about the boy as i stepped backward, to the south. $Z told me something as i stepped out of the classroom and into the hallway, pulling the metal cart out of the library and pushing it against the wall, to the west of the doorway. The cart was thin and silvery and had two wire baskets, one over the other. Once the cart was against the yellow plaster wall of the hallway, i grabbed the wooden sliding door which was in the wall to the east of me as i said something to $Z. The door slid across the doorway, but did not stop at the opposite door frame. It continued to slide until it was on the western side of the door. I looked at it and it was now across a stairwell from me. I was standing in the doorway to the hall, but the door to the library was now across a small corridor which ended just to the east of the door and which headed down a wide flight of stairs to the west. I could see the metal pole in the wall which stopped the door. The large wood door now seemed to have metal bands across the front and sides of it. The walls of the hall were dark-yellow. I turned and talked to the other person, who was not $Z. He was someone i had just met. I thought that he was interesting, but did not really know what to say to him. We were talking about the concert hall. I said that i would be interested in seeing the show there. As he spoke in reply, i remembered that i had seen an ad somewhere for a show which featured the London Symphony Orchestra and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. It seemed that the symphony would be Beethoven’s Ninth, so i mentioned it to the man. I knew that it had something to do with our previous conversation. I looked to the east, at the stone sill of the outside of the window on the old stone building. The building seemed like a cathedral, and i seemed to be standing to in a courtyard which was open to the north. I looked to the south, where the other man was standing in one of the doorways to the building. He seemed attractive to me, and i was interested in talking to him, but i was already dating. I told him i was interested in the music because it was a combination of two good performing groups. I admitted that i was not really interested in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, but i thought that it would be interesting to hear them with the London Symphony Orchestra. The other man seemed to agree with me. I then decided that we should end the conversation, so i said goodbye to him and let him walk back into the building.

12005 April 03

I thought about the place where we were. It felt very special, and i felt glad to be here. The man then leaned in to explain to me what was happening. He said that this was a parallel universe, but it was not quite the same as the one we knew. The laws of physics did not work the same here. He told me in confidence that the Eigen values were different. He said that it did not affect everyday things, but there were slight changes to the special cases. I thought that the change in reality would only be noticed on a relativistic scale. The girl explained this change to me, and it seemed amazing and revealing. The values had something to do with the configuration of the smallest particles, but they only affected the most extreme cases in physics. We walked into the bar and stood at the counter. I was to the south of the other three as we sat in the dark bar, facing west. I looked at them, thinking that this would make a great story. I thought that i should base the main characters on the three of us. $A351 would represent the gruff doctor, $A121 would represent the smart female scientist, and $A378 would be the joking person. The book would be based around the subtle change in physics caused by the difference in Eigen values of the alternate universes. The four of us would make the transition to a parallel universe and discover the wonderful things there.

I felt excited as i walked to the north, into the crowd of people who were rehearsing for the play. I was to be in this play as well, but i had been late because i was coming from somewhere else. I looked at the woman to the north of me as she finished some lines. The director, $A200 stood to the east of me. I was ready to go over my lines, but the others started to leave the back-stage area. I realized that the rehearsal was over. I felt bad that i would not be able to rehearse my lines. I needed the time to study my lines. I spoke to the woman as we walked to the west, into the small restaurant. I felt frustrated and wanted to study my part. I felt defensive about the fact that i had to be somewhere else for the first part of the rehearsal. We sat on the eastern side of the long wooden table, and the woman sat to the north of me. There was someone else sitting to the west, across the table. This person seemed to be part of the acting troupe. The waiter had not yet come to take our order, but the woman placed a small pan of pizza on the table and told us to have some. She was smiling deviously, as though she had just done something bad. I realized that she had stolen the pizza from the other table to the east. I felt that she should not have taken the pizza, but i cut up the piece that she gave me on the green-bordered white plate in front of me and ate it. I looked to the east from where i was sitting on the western side of the square wooden table to see the woman grinning as she slowly pulled the pan of pizza away from the table to the east. The table to the east seemed to have a large party at it, and i knew that they would not notice the pizza missing. As i stood to the south of the table and watched myself finish the last piece of pizza from my plate, i realized that the waiter had not come to our table yet. I wondered what he would think if he noticed that we had already eaten. I thought that we might be able to convince him that the female waiter had given is a pizza. The waiter was now standing at the northern end of the table. He had a green apron over his white shirt. He has a boxy face and short blonde hair. He was asking the woman with me about the pizza, and she seemed to be reaching to the east, as though looking for the pan that the pizza had come on. I realized that she was trying to convince the waiter that we had been given the pizza, but she needed the pan as proof. As she reached into the crowd at the other table, i realized that it would seem convincing if the pan was on a stand to the east of our table and it juts got lost in the other crowd. I thought that the waiter would probably believe the woman. I then wondered what the woman would do if we ordered another pizza. If the waiter thought that we already had received a pizza, then he would probably charge us for two when we got the bill. I got up and headed for the bathroom, to the east.

I was digging through the trash in the large pile, looking for something. I had placed the large plastic bottles on the dumpster, but there seemed to be several flat white cardboard boxes on top of the garbage pile. The others were moving some of the rubbish with me, but i was frustrated when they started to pile some things on top of the pile. I sifted through some of the things in the pile, but then stood up and started walking to the west. I was walking on the paved road which ran to the south of the dumpster in which i was digging. It seemed dark out now, but the area was illuminated with artificial lights. The paved alley ran between two buildings, and i stopped to say something to the other person. I then realized that there was a large bulldozer to the east of us which was pushing some of the trash past the dumpster. The bulldozer had a large yellow bucket which was elevated above our heads, and the bulldozer was moving in our direction. It was wide enough that it stretched across the entire alley so that we could not let it pass. We had to move down the alley to get out of its way. I hurried to the west, to the main street. $Z was with me. We turned to the north and headed into the bar. I was coming here after meeting with the other people. I was alone as i walked into the bar. The counter stretched from the eastern wall on the north side of the room and seemed to be a narrow U shape. The bartender was serving someone on the northern side of the bar, but i noticed that $F7 was the only person sitting on the southern side of the bar. It seemed early in the day, and i thought that the bar was not yet open. I had to use the bathroom, so i walked straight to the eastern wall and into the bathroom. $F7 was working at this bar. I walked to the eastern wall of the bathroom and looked at the square flat smooth area of the eastern wall which had the narrow brown porcelain slab at the bottom of it. The brown paneling of the wall to either side of the square patch had vertical ridges in it. It seemed that the urinal should be in front of the smooth area of the wall. I walked to the north and noticed the square metal tray attached to the wall. It was not the urinal either because it did not have a drain in the bottom of it. I turned around to see a stall wall just to the west of me. I walked to the north of it, to the western wall. There was a white porcelain urinal in the wall. I opened up my pants and started to urinate. As i did so, i looked down at the domed chrome drain at the bottom of the urinal. There was a small puddle of yellow water at the bottom of the urinal. To the south of the urinal was a second chrome drain in a white porcelain trough, but there did not seem do be a porcelain indentation on the wall above it. The yellow water in the old urinal to the south had several thick black hairs floating on the surface of it. I thought that the urinal was rather dirty. Once i finished urinating, i stepped back and started to zip up my white corduroy pants when i noticed that the area around the zipper was all wet and stained. I must have urinated on my pants when i was not paying attention. I felt annoyed and moved to the sink against the western end of the north wall, trying to pull up my pants. $F7 then came into the bathroom and walked up to the sink. I was still trying to zip up my pants when i noticed that the door in the western wall did not close all the way. A woman at the bar near the door opened her mouth in surprise as she looked at my pants. She was wearing a black dress and stood to the west of a man in a black suit, who was sitting on a bar stool, facing south. The woman pushed the door closed, and i continued to get my pants on.

12005 April 04

I was looking through the old phonographs at the store when one of the records seemed interesting. I picked up the blue album and read the label on it. The title of the album was in decorative white letters across the top of the sleeve. I was interested in the phonographs and looked through several more in the pile in front of me. There were several old artists in the pile. I pulled up one of the blue albums and looked at the songs on the back. The phonograph was a collection of Jefferson Airplane’s older tracks. Many of the records in the pile had a similar format to the cover art, and i thought that they were all collections of unpopular songs by various groups. I had one of the albums at home for Golden Earring. I felt excited to see the albums and glanced at the others which were hanging western wall of the room. $Z was standing to the south of me as i looked through the pile of records on the table in front of me. There was a second pile of phonographs to the southeast. I told $Z that the records were very nice, noticing that there were some Beatles’ records at the bottom of the pile. I stopped looking, feeling that i did not really want to buy anything here. I turned to $Z and said something about the interesting things they had in the store. We decided that it was time to go, but, just as i started to leave, i noticed that there was a pile of old comic books on the table to the north. I turned to look at them. They were from the original series of Battlestar Galactica. Most of them seemed to be stories based on the series, but i found one of the original books which was the story of the series premier. It was an oversized comic book, and i remembered that i had issue number two of this set. The book on the table was the first issue, and i was interested in it. I looked at the cover of the book as i described the story to $Z, who was to the east of me as i faced north. The drawing on the front cover of the issue was of Apollo and Starbuck towing a ship, holding the heavy ropes over their shoulders as they pulled. I did not remember any part of the first movie where they were slaves, but i thought that the picture must refer to the second part of the movie where they were trapped on the insect planet. The square metal ship that they were towing then seemed to be a Viper. I opened the book and looked at the black and white pictures inside. I showed the pictures to $F45, who was standing to the east of me. I described the pictures, pointing out how each spread had three pictures across, all of the same scene. The first picture on the left was very roughly drawn, and the final picture on the right was cleanly inked and finished. Several of the pictures were of cities, and one of the pictures on the left had people in Colonial flight uniforms, their faces still sketched with guidelines for the eyes and mouth. The final picture was of Starbuck sitting on a crate with Apollo in the background. I flipped through some more images, seeing one of a city on a mesa. I described the book to $F45, but he did not seem to understand. I put the book back on the metal library shelf to the east of us and tried to explain. He was standing to the south of me. I told him that the writers would send a script to the directors and producers with very rough sketches of how the scenes should look on film. The first draft would have very rough pictures and only have a few scenes, but, the more the film was worked on, the more detailed the images would get and the more they would fill in the gaps of the film. $F45 said “Oh” as he understood what i was talking about. I was aware that there was another man in the library behind me, to the west, who was listening to our conversation. After i finished describing the details to $F45, he picked up the book from the shelf to the north and we started walking to the west to get out of the library stacks. As i turned to the south to walk around the stacks, i took the tan book from $F45’s hand, thinking that he would not be able to take it out of the library because he was not a member of the college. When he asked what i was doing, however, i handed the book back to him, thinking that he could try his library card from the downtown library to see if they would take it here. We seemed to be in a library at $P52. I turned to the east and started to the front counter of the library. I could see the light from the outside glass walls coming into the library ahead of me. $F45 was continuing to the west, and i realized that he thought we would be leaving the library the same way that we had come in. We had entered on the lower floor and come up the stairs, which now seemed to be to the north of us. I motioned $F45 to follow me when he turned around to see where i had gone.

I was at $P19 with the others. I walked across the eastern end of the basement room as people spoke to the west of me, near the doorway in the western end of the southern wall. One of the men asked the other whether he was graduating soon. I heard the other man say that he was just finishing up his last year here and would be leaving soon. I looked to see who the second man was. He was $A218. I was surprised that he was actually graduating so soon. I walked to the east and sat down on one of the couches, which was facing west. I felt tired and wanted to lie down far a while. I laid down with my head to the south, pulling the pale-tan wool blanket over my shoulders. I thought that i had to sleep, but i did not know if i would be able to. I opened my eyes to see that i was sitting in the cushioned chair, facing east. The blue bath towels were still pulled over my torso. $A35 was now in the room. He walked from the south to the north, collecting some of the light-blue towels which were on the couch opposite me. I realized that the towels that i was using might be from his wash. As he approached me, i asked him about them. I handed him back the towels.

I walked to the south, into the small bathroom of the library. I walked to the south wall of the room and stood for a moment, trying to remember what i should do. I could see behind me because there were mirrors on all the walls. A young man walked into the bathroom and stood behind me, facing the sinks on the northern wall. He was skinny and wore a pair of tan pants and a grey polo shirt. He had spiked blonde hair that he was picking at in the mirror. I looked down to see that his pants were really half pants, leaving his calves exposed. I then thought that i should not be staring at him in the bathroom, so i turned back around, noticing another man to the northeast, in a urinal stall, against the northern wall. The other man was wearing a blue polo shirt and also had spiked blonde hair. He seemed more attractive, simply because he was older. He had better proportions to his body. I turned around and moved to one of the sinks on the northern wall. The young man was still fixing his hair in the mirror to the east of me. I then heard someone outside the door of the bathroom call for the man. I knew that it was his boss. He worked at this library, and she wanted him to stop fooling around and get back to work. He did not respond right away, and the woman started yelling for him. The boy jumped a little, grimacing in surprise. He turned around, uncertain what to do, and then went back to looking in the mirror. The woman stated to yell again. I leaned forward to wash my hands, noticing that there was a small piece of jewelry on the end of the square plastic soap dispenser. It was from the man. He must have left it here while playing with his hair.

12005 April 06

I walked to the west, into the auditorium where the people were gathering. The stage was at the bottom of the sloping theatre, to the south, and there seemed to be many people gathered in the red chairs. The show had not yet started, but there was someone on stage who was performing. I did not have a ticket to this show, but i wanted to see who was here in the auditorium. I knew that $F45 would be here for the start of the official show, and i wanted to meet him. I looked to the west and noticed that $F14 and $F30 were sitting in seats near the back of the auditorium. There were many seats open around them, and i thought that the show must not have been sold out. I then thought that i should sneak into the show. No one was here to make sure that i had a ticket, so i should be able to sit down in one of the open seats at the back of the audience. I turned around and headed back out the door of the auditorium, which was on the northern end of the eastern wall. I stepped outside and grabbed my green jacket from the chair. I did not have to leave my stuff here if i was going to sit through the show. I decided that i could sit with $F45 in the row in front of $F14 so that she could meet $F45 and we could talk. I walked back into the auditorium and headed to the west. I realized that $F14 and $F30 were sitting in a row of folding chairs at the back of the auditorium which was not actually part of the audience. I realized that i would not be able to easily sit near them. I looked to the south, noticing that the man on stage was playing something on the red counter in front of him. The counter was a long box which had gold trim. It seemed to be some kind of percussive instrument, and i liked the rhythm that he was playing. I headed to the west, but, when i looked back at the chairs, i saw that $F14 and $F30 were not standing near the western wall of the theatre. They were holding instruments with several other people. $F30 played a few long dramatic notes on a violin. This was part of the music show. They were performing a wide variety of music styles. $F14 was standing on the western side of the small group, playing a stand up bass cello. The small group of five musicians started playing together. The rhythm of their piece was strange, but it sounded very nice. I waited in the center of the northern side of the room while they finished. Once they finished, they went back to their chairs, and the audience turned back around to the front of the theatre. I did not know that $F30 could play the violin, but i was pleased that he could. They sat back down to the south of me. I looked at $F14, who was sitting in a chair directly to the south of me. She was wearing a pink sweatshirt with light-yellow sweatpants. She seemed tired as she said something to the person to the west of her. She looked at me but then looked away as though she did not realize who i was. I bent over a little and waved at here, but it did not appear that she saw me, so i walked a little closer and waved again. She seemed suddenly annoyed and waved back. She was not happy to see me and made it obvious that she did not want to talk to me. I felt upset and stepped back. I then walked out of the theatre, feeling very bad. I wondered what i should do. I still had to wait for $F45 to come. I no longer wanted to attend the show just to say hello to $F14. I then remembered that $F45 was away on the tour and would not be back for a few weeks. He would not be coming to the show. There was no real reason for me to stay here, so i walked out the door and decided to head away. I was upset. I started across the parking lot to the southeast. There were two people to the north of me who were walking in the same direction. I brushed past a car in the parking lot, not really caring whether i scratched it or not. I looked at the two men to the north of me, noticing that the one in the blue short-sleeve button-up shirt had a patch on his right shoulder which said “PM”. This meant that he was the head of the local police department. He was walking just to the south or an old man with a white suit and white hair. I thought that i should be careful about what i do around the policeman. I picked up my bicycle and started riding to the southeast. There was a building to the south of the parking lot, so i would have to ride around it to get back to campus. I hoped that the men would not come after me. As i rounded the eastern end of the building, i remembered finding a new way across the grass of the campus, thinking that there was a direct route across the lawn. I then remembered that there was a gorge between the campus and myself, so i would still have to go to the bridge to the east or west. I looked across the green grass to seed the metal chain-link fence running along the near side of the gorge ahead. I would not be able to go directly. I tried to remember what i was thinking of, but could not think of a route which would be a shortcut. I decided that i simply had been new to this area and the shortcut just seemed better because i was remembering when the area was new. I did not really know where i was at the time. I wanted something to feel new again. I turned to the west, onto the paved walkway on the south side of the large white building. I tried to remember what it was like when things were new here. I stopped the bicycle just to the east of the large building with the glass doors. The snowflake pattern on the glass of the doors was familiar to me. I had to go into the building, and i was still mad about the way $F14 had treated me. I walked to the northern-most glass door on the building and pushed the front of the bicycle through. The door was very narrow, however, and the bicycle did not seem to fit. I had already managed to get the handlebars through, but i could not get the pedals into the building. I tried to pull the bicycle back out, but the brakes on either side of the front wheel were getting stuck on the door. I felt frustrated and angry. The two other men then appeared near me and i was inside the building with my bicycle. I laid the bicycle down on the ground against the west wall and said something to the man who had helped me. There was a door to the north, where the men had entered the small entryway of the building. It was dark here, and we seemed to be at the bottom of a cement stairwell with dark green walls. The man said something to me about being careful with the paint, and i told him that was only using a little bit of the paint. I looked down at the small grey cap full of paint which was on the low counter near the bike. I made a joke about getting dizzy from he paint fumes. The man said that i should make sure that i did not do anything illegal. I thought that he was referring to illegal drugs, but then me said that i should not have any guns or explosives when i went inside. I stood up and turned to him, trying to have a serious expression on my face when i told him that i would never do stuff like that. I then mentioned that i might have had fireworks from when i was in Texas. I knew that he would not think they were dangerous. The man nodded and continued into the building, to the south. My father walked behind him, and i realized that my father would know that i had never looked at fireworks when i was in Texas.

12005 April 09

I walked to the east with the group of others. We had to be cautious of the other people who were out to get us. I had found something special that would protect me, however. It had something to do with spirituality. I had something wrapped around my body which made me invisible. My head was still showing, and i turned around to $Z to say something as we continued down the dirt trail to the east. I thought that i should cover more of myself, so i held up the black object, which seemed to be a closed collapsible umbrella. It seemed strange that it would cover my head and hide me from the bad guys, but i knew that this is the way it was supposed to work. I asked $Z if i was hidden, and he told me that only the tip of my gun was showing. I had discovered this secret of invisibility, and now others were able to use it as well. I held my rifle in front of me as i started to turn around and face east again. I could see the tip of the military rifle in front of me. It was the only thing that was visible from me. I then turned around to the west again, walking backwards. There was another soldier approaching me. I thought that he would not be able to see me, but he paused before passing and waved his hand in my direction. He was aware that i was there, and i realized that he was probably seeing the tip of the gun. There was no real way that i could hide it. All of the other soldiers would be able to turn themselves invisible, but would not be able to hide the ends of their guns. I had shown them this trick. I turned to the east, noticing that a group of enemy soldiers had come down the trail toward us. They paused with their guns ready. They knew that someone was invisible on the trail, so i crouched down to the ground, hoping that they would not see me. I pointed my gun at me, but they were all pointing theirs forward. Two of the soldiers knew to crouch down as well and aim their guns along the ground. They could not see me, but they knew that they had a better chance of hitting me if they fired along the ground. I felt unsure for a moment, but then i remembered that i had learned how to be totally invisible. It had something to do with openings in space. I could access these openings, and, even though the others had used the knowledge to make themselves invisible, they did not know how to make themselves totally invisible. I had gained this knowledge. I stood up, thinking that making myself part of the other dimension would change me. I fired my gun at the enemies and killed them. I then thought that i was really more like the stereotyped extraterrestrials. I imagined that i would become small with a large head and pale white skin. It was part of accessing the other dimension through the spacial rift. This seemed like hidden knowledge, and i was glad that i had discovered it.

I walked up the stairs toward the large building, heading to the south. Someone was talking about the designs of the building. It seemed rather nice. There were several other people sitting on the stairs. They had just come from somewhere to the north. There seemed to be an event there that we had attended. I looked back down the stairs, noticing that they were sagging under the weight of the others, who were sitting in the middle of the steps. The stairs seemed to be made out of wood, and were curved like the back of a park bench. Even thought the construction of the building was quite nice, the stairs seemed to be rotting. I walked to the eastern post at the top of the stairwell and looked it over. It did not seem sturdy to hold all of the stairs. I could see the opening below the stairs where there seemed to be a lower entrance to the building. The stairs were suspended by the four posts at the corners. As i looked at the post on the southeastern corner of the stairs, someone on the stairs commented on them. The post then started to crack. I warned the others about the breaking wood, which seemed to be the wood which supports the top of a chair back. Some of them came to look at it as i described the problem. I felt that the situation was somewhat serious, and wondered what we should do about it.

12005 April 11

I felt happy. I could not see where i was, but i seemed to be in a stream which ran through an area of tall dry yellow field grass. The stream seemed to run to the west and curved to the northeast where i was standing. I was in the stream, facing south. There seemed to be a line of pine trees at the top of the stream bank to the southwest. There was a young girl near me, and there was something very happy about her. I tried to remember the happy feeling i felt when i was in this place, but i was no longer there. I felt awkward and wanted to go back to that place, as though i was trying to recapture an image in a dream. I looked up and closed my eyes, concentrating on the spinning motion. I felt that i was on a swing that was both spinning and swing in a circular motion. The feeling of spinning through the blackness was disorienting, but it did not make me feel as happy as i wanted to be. I could not find the feeling i felt in the stream. I opened my eyes and looked down the long country road to the west. I felt suddenly scared. Something was wrong. I could see red lights flashing in the distance. It was darker now, and the road was lined with tall pine trees on both sides. I could not tell if there were other cars on the road, but the danger was coming from the west. I woke suddenly. I was in the house, lying on the bed in the bedroom. I did not seem to be under any covers or sheets. My feet were facing south, and i seemed to be on the first floor of a north wing of the house. I looked to the south, as though seeing the middle of the outside of the house in the dark. The sudden vibration had awakened me, and i knew that there was danger in the house. It was after the young girl. I felt nervous and had to do something.

I walked to the north but paused when i saw my mother by the back door of my parents’ house, to the east of me. She was upset, so i asked her what was wrong. She looked down at the ground and did not answer. My father seemed to be in the back room of the house, to the north of me. I felt bad that my mother was upset, and i wanted to do something. I then noticed some lights up the road to the east. I could see the slope of the hill to the east as though it was covered with grass. There was some kind of vehicle on top of the hill with its lights on, shining into the night sky. I realized that it was a construction vehicle. I could make out that it was a yellow bulldozer, and i could see it clearly, even though it seemed dark out. I was standing at the edge of the field, looking to the northeast as the bulldozer pushed the dirt across the field. There were several construction machines now, moving all around me. They were remodeling the land just to the east of my parents’ house. It seemed that the bulldozer to the northeast of me was rolling up the bright green sod. I realized that this was a major construction project, but it was not real. Everything was changing around me in a hurried pace. This was all part of a dream sequence. It was my mother’s dream. I looked to the south to see the back of my parents’ house. It was being refinished as i watched. The dull white paint on the outside was covered with a coat of pale green, and flowers appeared around the windows. It seemed overly pretty, and i thought that it was my mother’s style. She was trying to change this place to match her ideals. I then looked to the east as the back wing of the house was quickly remodeled. The wood siding changed from white paint to bare wood to pale green. There was a doorway in the center of the wing, and people appeared around the entrance. My mother was standing on the short cement steps of the porch, waving to the people. She was wearing a short white wedding dress. My father stood to her right in a black tuxedo. This was a happy memory from her life. It was something that she wanted to recreate in this perfect world. I then noticed that my mother did not look young as she stood on the porch. She actually looked like my grandmother as she smiled at me. I realized that this was only a reenactment of the wedding and not a real memory. They could not get an actor to play my mother at an earlier age, so they used her as she was today. I then realized that this was a strange idea. If this really was a dream reality, then they could have used my mother from a younger age. Something seemed queer here. I then noticed something at the northern end of the house. I turned to the northeast and rounded the back corner of the house. I was looking down an alley to the east. The street seemed damp from rain, and there was a cement stoop off the back of the building with a red arching canvas awning over it. The awning over the door made it seem like a hotel, but the street was run down. I realized that the tattered papers on the ground were from a failed marriage. There was no one here to celebrate and everything felt very empty. I realized that this was how my mother pictured my marriage. This is what she thought of me. I felt suddenly upset and started to cry. I could not believe that she thought such horrible things about me. It seemed like $F45 was to the northwest of me as i backed away from the alley. I felt abandoned.

I moved through the small store, collecting things. Two other men were talking near me, and i felt uncomfortable around them. They seemed to be wearing dark jackets over white button-up shirts. As i looked over several of the items on the table to the east of me, i could hear the men talking to a third. They were threatening the third man. They used euphemisms to tell the man that they were going to kill him. The man was upset, but he did what they asked of him. I was afraid that they might realized that i could understand what they were talking about, so i concentrated on acting naturally, as though i had not heard what they had said. I walked to the west, carrying the small basket of groceries with me as i walked out the front door of the store and into the hallway. The small grocery store occupied a small room of a large building, which seemed like an old school. I then realized that i probably should not have taken my groceries with me as i left the store. The manager might get angry. I knew that he was one of the gangsters, so i felt that i should act casually around him as well. I turned to the south and looked at the items on the table outside. There was something that i had to get, and i concentrated on what it was. I was in a stairwell. The wide metal stairs ran down directly to the west of me. There was a set going up to the north of them, and there seemed to be a window in the north wall, at the bottom of the stairs. I bent over the table to look at the items as the men came out into the hall with the third man. They were still threatening him as they pushed him ahead of them. I still had to act as though i did not know what they were talking about. As they left, i remembered that i had to buy some mouthwash, so i headed back into the store to search for some. The owner of the store was now moving around near the western wall, where his checkout counter was. He was preparing to close the store. I hoped that he did not plan to trap me in the store. I picked up a bottle of mouthwash from one of the shelves and took it to the counter. The man was still standing behind it. I thought that he was part of the mafia. I put my things on the counter and casually asked the man about gum. The man seemed very friendly, but i could tell that he was overly eager. He was now in front of the counter as he motioned with his left hand to a basket of things on the table to the north of me. I was watching myself stand to the south of the table, seeing from a position north of the table. I was wearing a black pee-coat as i leaned into the basket to look for gum. There were several round white things in the basket, but none of them seemed to be a pack of gum. Mostly, they seemed to be candies. I knew that i would not find what i was looking for, but the man insisted on digging though the basket for some gum. I noticed a small pack of bubble gum on the southern side of the basket, but it was not what i was looking for. I was still nervous being here, so i hurried to pay the man and get out. I only had a ten-dollar bill, though. The man seemed hesitant to take the money, saying that he did not have change. He finally took the money and gave me back a bill for five thousand liras. I looked at the coloured Italian money. I did not understand why he was paying me with foreign currency. I then told the man that the change was not quite right. I knew that the exchange rate would make the five-hundred-lira bill worth only a few dollars. The man should owe me about five dollars. The man seemed a little upset and grabbed several more bills from a stack that he had on the southern end of the counter. I realized that he had a lot of foreign money here, but i told him that i was not interested in liras. I did not think that i would be going back to Italy anytime soon. I then realized that the man had some yellow bills which were in euros. I asked him if i could have five euros. I knew that the exchange rate for a euro was closer to a dollar. I also knew that i would be in Ireland soon, where i could use the euros. I was then walking through the door, heading to the south, into the house. The door opened to the east, stopping against the east wall of the old worn basement room. My grandmother and her sister were standing just to the southwest, in the room. This place seemed to be their house. I had told my grandmother about the mafia men in the store and about the store manager. She was upset. She knew the man and was disappointed that he had been involved in a killing. My grandmother turned and walked to the west, angered by what i had told her. Her sister just stood looking at me from the northern end of the kitchen table.

12005 April 16

I walked to the west, down the narrow aisle in the engine room of the train. We were not supposed to be here, but i felt excited to explore this place. There were low counters on either side of the aisle which had dull yellow metal instruments over them. This was the main engine of the train. I was aware than someone might be watching us. I started the first engine of the train and started the train moving to the west. I thought that we were stealing the train, but we were only being mischievous. As the train moved along the tracks, i wondered if we would be able to drive it safely. I knew that we did not have the experience to conduct a train. I watched the tall cliffs of tan multifaceted stone pass close to the north of the train. We seemed to be running along the shore of a lake. There seemed to be small trees growing to the south of the train, between the tracks and the water. It was a sunny day, and i felt that this was a very nice train ride. I looked out the front window of the train. There was a curve ahead which turned the tracks to the northwest. I hoped that there were no other trains coming on the tracks. Then i started to worry that we might be going too fast for the turn. It did not seem that we were traveling that fast, but i worried that the train might tip off the tracks. We really did not know how to control the train. I also knew that the people would be after us for taking the train. We started around the bend in the tracks, and i thought that the engine should slow down a little. I did something to slow the speed of the engine, but i really did not know enough about controlling the train. After we rounded the corner, the land to the north was forested with pine trees, and it sloped up a steep hill. I thought that we should turn the throttle of the engine back up a little because we were moving too slowly for the open track. I walked down the corridor to the west. There seemed to be windows on all sides of the train so i could see the entire landscape around me. There was now a central counter in the engine room, and i thought that there were actually two engines connected together. I had moved into the western engine, the front engine, to set the throttle. As i bent over the counter and looked down at the rounded dull-yellow western end, however, i noticed that the curved slot where the turn crank used to be was now empty. The crank had been broken off. I quickly moved back to the east, to the other engine of the train. $Z was standing at the eastern end of the train as i reached in front of him and turned the throttle of the second engine. I hoped that it would not matter which engine i used. I then considered that the second engine might have a better chance of heating up because it was not as able to dissipate heat along the roof as the first engine. I hoped that it would not heat up too much. I then started to worry that we were going to fast again. There was a tight corner ahead of us. Before i could do anything, however, the train rounded the tight corner and headed to the north. There was another tight corner ahead which would turn us back to the west. We were coming into a station. I could see the long darkly stained wood building to the northwest, along the south side of the tracks. The grass around the station was bright green, and the land around us seemed to be covered with thick pine trees. As we approached the second corner, i hoped that we were not traveling too fast. It looked like a sharp corner. I then hoped that there was not another train in the station. As we rounded the corner, however, i could see that there were a few train cars sitting at the platform on the track ahead of us. We rolled quickly down the track to the west and ran into the rear of the other train. I fell to the floor of the engine room as the car came to a sudden stop. I decided to stay on the ground so that no one could see me through the windows of the train. I felt that there was someone on the platform to the south of the train who would be angry that we had driven a stolen train into the station. I told my father, who was to the east of me in the car, to get down so that no one would see us. I felt that the security guards would we boarding the train. I called to my father and told him to follow me as i quickly ran to the west, into the end car of the other train. We had to hide so that we did not get caught. I ran into the bedroom of one of the suites of the car and laid down on the bed, which was against the south wall of the train. I hoped that i would be mistaken for a passenger on the train and not be recognized as one of the people who had stolen the engine. I curled up on the bed and pulled the white wool blanket over my head, trying to pretend that i was asleep. I was crouching to the west of the bed, looking across myself as i lay under the covers. I could see movement in the room to the east. Someone had boarded the train. I worried that it was the police and that they would find us here. I stayed still as i crouched against the southern wall, the white blanket still pulled over my head. I then noticed that the building of the station to the north of us was moving. Things started to pass the window on the north side of the train car. We were pulling out of the station. For a moment i felt that we were safe. If we were leaving, the police had already decided that they would not find us on this train. I then noticed that there was a conductor standing in the room to the east. He took someone’s ticket and punched it. I felt worried again, because we did not have tickets to be on this train. I would have to hope that he did not ask us for the tickets. I remained still and pretended to be asleep, but i knew that they were still looking for us on this train. My father was then standing in front of me, and it seemed that he had paid for tickets for us. I could not believe that he had done so, and i felt that he should not have. I felt that we had given in. Something was strange here. I was then walking down the road to the east. It was getting dark. We had escaped from the train, but we had to walk back down the side of the lake to get back home. The lake was to the southeast of us, and there was a hill rising to the northwest. The dirt road curved along the countryside. There was tall bright-green grass growing to the north, and shorter grass to the south. There seemed to be several old willow trees along the shore to the south of us, separating the road from the water. After a few minutes, it was now dark, but we could clearly see the road in the dim light. I thought that the train had taken us farther that i had realized. It seemed that it would take us a lot of time to walk all the way back to town. I hoped that the police would not realize that we were taking the old road back into town. It would be easy to spot us here because we did not really have anyplace to go. $Z said something to me as we walked, and i looked up into the sky to notice that the stars were very bright. I then heard something behind us. I thought that a car might be coming down the road. I thought that it would be a police car coming to check the road for us. They would know that we escaped from the train. I felt scared, and i looked around for a place to hide. The land was still very open, so there would be no good hiding spots. I then noticed the old swamp cedar trees to the west of the road ahead of us. The bases were wide enough that i thought that we could hide behind them. The police might not see us there. The road curved to the northwest just after the trees. I walked into cluster of trees, trying to find a place where i could lay down. The ground seemed muddy around the trees, and the bases of the trees no longer seemed wide enough to hide my entire body from the view of someone on the road. I thought that i would be easily seen because i was wearing light colours. I frantically looked around, realizing that the car was getting closer. I then decided that i could simply cover myself with mud. I could make myself dark, and then it would be easy for me to hide in the shadows of the trees.

12005 April 19

I looked out the window on the east side of the living room to see the young man walking to the north, down the driveway of the house. There had been several college-aged people in the back yard, and i felt that i was interested in watching them. I was standing in the large living room of the house, which seemed to take up most of the front of the first floor of the house. The house seemed to be an old victorian house, with large wooden columns near the front door, which was to the northeast of me. The wide glass windows were evenly spaced on the eastern and northern walls of the room, letting in light from the grey day outside. I watched the young man as he came into the front yard of the house. I knew that he would be using the portal which was on the front porch. I was interested in him and watched him walk to the west, down the stone path toward the front steps. The porch on the front of the house seemed to run the entire length of the house and seemed very deep. I wanted to watch the man use the portal, but i did not want him to know that i was watching him. As he paused in front of the front steps, i moved to the east slightly, keeping myself out of sight behind the red curtains which were hanging in on the eastern side of the window. The man was wearing blue jeans and a brown canvas coat. He had medium-length brown hair. I looked back at him and realized that he had walked to the west, across the front lawn to the edge of the bushes on the side of the lawn. I felt disappointed that i did not get to see him use the portal on the porch. He reached out with his left hand and i was surprised to see that it disappeared into a whorl of greenish light which hovered in the air, just in front of the leafless bush. He had used a different portal. The woman walked down the path and walked up behind the man. She passed the melting snowman which was in the front yard and walked across the packed soggy snow of the lawn. She stopped just behind the man and said something to him. She then stuck her hand into the portal as well. I felt upset that they were not using the portal on my porch. I wanted to see the people more closely.

12005 April 24

I walked to the west, where the others were gathered. $A202 was sitting in a chair in front of a small school desk, facing west. The others stood behind him. It seemed that something had happened. $A202 seemed sad and tired. I moved past them and looked to the north. The large room was filled with school desks, but they really seemed more like bunk beds. The beds were arranged in rows and columns down the length of the grey room. As i walked along the edge of one of the rows, i looked up at the feet of the bunk beds which were poking down through the ceiling. I turned and started back to the east, finding this scene curious. The beds from the floor above had been pushed through the ceiling and were hanging above the beds of the room i was in. I realized that there was blood on some of the bed legs. To the northeast, i could see a body handing from the ceiling, suspended between a bed and the cracked cement of the ceiling. To the northwest, there was a body which had been pierced by a sprinkler pipe. The metal pipe ran through the person’s torso, holding the person in the air over the beds below. The scene seemed gruesome. These people had been caught in the earthquake. The tremor had collapsed the upper floor of the building, crushing all of the people that were sleeping there and forcing them through the floor and into the next level. This seemed horrible, yet there was something fascinating in it. I then noticed that the teacher to the north of me was saying something. She was trying to count the students in the class. I realized that i should be standing at the end of the line. To the north of me was a line of short desks with students sitting at them. The teacher in the long black dress stood at the end of the line, counting the students in her section. I felt that this was an urgent situation.

12005 April 25

This had something to do with Star Wars, and i thought that it might be part of the new movie. The man in the dark cloak and black hood walked to the west. The others had been fighting in the large room. One of the other men seemed to be a good guy. He was wearing dark colours and carrying a red light saber. He fought the other man in the tan cloak, but their action had stopped suddenly. It had something to do with time dilation. I was surprised that the good guy had gotten trapped in the time freeze. I could not believe that he would be trapped so easily. I watched the third man move down the corridor. He had a large head, which seemed to be covered by a large round black mask with red features on it. I moved toward the third man in the dark cloak, who was not striding to the west, down the long white hall of the building. I panned over the top of him and started to follow him, watching as he parted the air with his right hand. He held a red light saber in his left hand. I was actually playing this man, but i was watching him from behind. He stopped at the edge of the time freeze and pushed his hand through the air in front of him, as if clearing something from the air. The air shimmered red, and i knew that he was using his powers to push aside the time dilation field. He stepped through and continued on. As he reached another, he did the same thing. It occurred to me that this was very similar to bending space. I knew that i possessed this ability. I then realized that this man was going to rescue the good guy from the other room. I walked as part of the man as he forced his way through a few more fields and came into the large room.

12005 April 28

I left the others and headed to the south, out the door of the fancy restaurant. I was on the second floor of the hotel. To the south of me was the eastern side of the main lobby of the hotel. There was a large round column just to the southwest of me which took up the northern end of the lobby and formed the southern wall of the restaurant i had just entered. I was aware that there was a balcony to the east of me which ran around the open lobby, and there was a decorative ramp which ran down the eastern side of the main column. The shiny ramp was painted light blue with yellow stars here and there. It had a shiny brass outer edge. I started down the ramp, but i realized that i was wearing socks on my feet. I felt that i would slip very easily going down. When i had come down the steep ramp before, i was wearing my shoes, which had better traction. I sat down on the ramp and carefully tried to slide down the ramp. There was no railing to the east which would prevent me from falling off of the ramp and down to the floor below. As i reached the middle of the ramp, i noticed a section of the ramp which sloped to the east. It was decorative, but it would allow me to slip off the ramp if i was not careful. I was then aware of a man to the east, just below me. His head was about the level of the ramp at this point, and he was talking to his young daughter, who was walking on the west of him. I listened to them as they passed, but i was still worried about descending the ramp. I carefully slid forward, thinking that this ramp was very old. It was built in the early days of the hotel, before people worried about safety. It was decorative and in the tradition of the times to be a ramp rather than a stairway. Stairs had not been as popular at that time. I was then at the bottom of the stairs and moving through the crowd of the main lobby. The woman at the front desk asked me something, and i started talking to her. She was standing to the southeast of me as i said something. Other people wandered through the lobby of the hotel as we spoke. I then realized that i was speaking in a mild british accent. I said something to the woman, realizing that my parents were walking to the northeast of us. I hoped that they did not notice the accent i had. They might think that i was faking it. I had accidentally picked it up somewhere. The woman then asked where i was from. I told her that i was from New York, but that i had someone staying with me who was from Ireland. I said that i had picked up the accent. I forced myself to speak with a New York accent, thinking that it should be more natural.