12004 May 08
I walked around the side of the large grocery store and came to the register line in the southeast corner of the store. The floor of the store was covered with varying shades of pale-green tiles, making the store seem old. I was carrying something with me as i waited in the checkout line. My mother was ahead of me in the line. She was already paying. I then seemed to be at the cash register in the middle of the store. The woman behind me in line started talking to me as i paid for my things. She seemed very interested in me and asked me several questions. She asked me if i had a girlfriend back home. I knew that she was interested in me, but i was not interested in her. I told her that i did have a girl friend. The news seemed to upset her. She seemed very much like $A369. I headed out of the store and started back up the long dirt driveway, to the north. I woman followed me. She was upset with me and did not want to speak with me any more. She must have thought that i turned her away because i did not like her. I thought that i should have said that i had a friend who was a girl rather than that i have a girl friend. I was not trying to be confusing, but i knew at the time that the answer would confuse her. I should have told her that i was homosexual instead. It would have made her less upset with me. I looked across the tall green field grass to the west to see the large white house on the other side of the U-shaped driveway. We had originally come from the house on the western side of the driveway. It was a tourist stop; it seemed like a winery. I remembered rounding the northern end of the driveway and heading down the dirt road before, and now we were heading back. The woman was mad at me as i drove the small yellow car around the curve of the northern end of the looped driveway. I remembered that i had followed the entire curve of the driveway when we had headed away from the house, but i noticed now that the main section of the driveway was rutted and slightly muddy. I wondered if the car would get stuck. I noticed that there was a more direct route to the white house just to the south, cutting directly from the center of the curve to the western side of the driveway, coming out right in front of the white house. I considered taking it, but it looked muddy and dangerous. I did not want to get the car stuck. I decided to take the road anyway. I took the shortcut anyway, passing to the south of a small cluster of young trees and driving through the muddy depression in the dirt road. I was then heading down the shallow slope of the western part of the driveway, heading south. I was pushing a small yellow cart in front of me as we walked down the slope. The cart seemed hard to control and kept veering to one side or another. I concentrated on controlling it for a moment by pulling on the white wires which were in my left hand. The woman passed me on the left and continued down the hill ahead of me as i tried to get the cart to go in a straight line. It was not easy to control. As we approached the bottom of the driveway, i could hear the woman say something to the others. They were waiting in the dirt parking area just across the paved street from the driveway. I decided that i would have to explain to her why i did not seem interested in her. The others were starting to gather around their cars, which were parked from east to west in the lot, facing south. I wondered if i could explain to her on the way home.
I felt as though i had just woken up as i looked out the front window of the bus. I felt impatient and wanted to be there. It seemed that i was traveling to $P3, but i did not know how far we had already traveled. I could see tan fields of dry grass out the window, but did not recognize any of the scenery. There seemed to be a large barn on the north side of the road as we drove west. The land around us seemed flat, with lines of trees dividing the old farming fields. The fields were now filled with dry field grass. I thought that we were only half way there, and i felt even more impatient. I started to think that we could even be just outside of $P6, where we had started from, even though i knew that we should have traveled farther than that. I did not want to spend the time traveling. I just wanted to be there. As we passed an old large brown abandoned barn on the north side of the road, i noticed a black-and-white road sign ahead. It was a road sign for Route 38. I did not recognize the road number and could not tell where we were on our trip. I had thought the route was closer to where i lived, but the bus should not be traveling by my town to get to $P3. The woman across the aisle, to the right of me, then pointed out the detour sign ahead. We had just come over a rise and could now see down a shallow hill to the west. The road ran another kilometer or so before ending at the intersection of another road. There were tall thin pine trees growing at the edge of a tan field, just to the north of the road, near the intersection. I spotted the large orange detour sign just in front of the trees. We would have to turn north at the intersection and travel around the construction to continue on. I considered this another delay, and felt very annoyed and frustrated. I did not know what to do, and i started to feel sick with agitation. I spit out the piece of carrot which i had just chewed off and looked at it. It was rotten in the center. The bus turned to the north suddenly, coming to a stop in front of an old building. We were in one of the small towns on the way. I quickly stepped off of the bus and spit out the carrot on the ground. I felt sick and started to spit up the bad taste in my mouth. I was aware that the others on the bus would see what i was doing and understand why i had to rush out of the bus. It seemed as though i had been acting agitated while i was on the bus, and they would have noticed. I then turned to get back onto the bus, just as the driver was closing the doors. I could not stay in the town for too long because the bus would have to continue on. I sat down near $F4, in the wide padded bench of the bus. It suddenly seemed that we were in a class room. I felt suddenly concerned that $F4 was upset with me. He commented sardonically that i had invited the children to the class. He was referring to the children on the bench which was along the north wall. I stood up to arrange the seats in the center of the room. The armchairs had been moved by the children. $F4 seemed to be upset that the children had messed up things in the room. I started to clean up my things. I was sitting to the west of $F4, on a bench in the center of the class room. The others started to leave the room. I bent over to pick up some of the paper plates and other trash which were on the dirt ground to the east of me. $F4 sat on the other side of a short white wall to the east, in what seemed to be a dugout. The wooden wall was made out of a thin sheet of plywood which had been painted white, and it seemed to be run down. The roof which extended over our heads from the north also seemed somewhat run down. I asked $F4 why he was mad at me, but he would not respond. I was worried as i spread out my things to the southwest. I felt very hurt that he would not talk to me. I wanted to talk to him, but i did not know what to say that would get him to speak. I did not know why he was mad at me.
12004 May 09
I laid down in the large area inside the old building. I could not focus on the walls of the room, but it seemed that they were not there. This place was like an old barn, with exposed rafters, but i knew that it was really the interior of an old apartment building. It was dark, and it seemed that i was lying on the floor. In the rafters above me, i could see a large airplane. It was a passenger jet with a silvery body. I wondered how the plane had gotten inside the building. I then started to feel that i might not be safe under the plane. The jet was very large, and i worried that the beams would not support the weight of the airplane for long. I thought that the plane was in the building for heat. The engines would heat the building. It seemed like a good way to use the engines inside the house, but i thought that it would also leave fumes in the building. I felt unsafe here and started do move. I worried that the petrol fumes might actually be explosive, and the exhaust would be dangerous to breath. I said something to my mother, who was now to the east of me. She did not understand what airplane i was talking about. We suddenly seemed to be on one of the upper floors of the apartment building. I walked down the corridor to the south. The walls to the east were bare, and i could see the cross slats where the plaster used to be. I could not see through the wall, though. I told my mother about the jet airplane as i motioned to the wall. I opened the small closet door which was in the wall, exposing one of the jet engines.
12004 May 19
I drove the small car over the rough dirt road, heading to the east. I was driving with the other people to the cottage, which was in a very remote place. I watched the snow-covered ground below me as the small car rolled over the small mounds. The car now seemed very small, and i was sitting on the top of the small cart. The car tipped forward as we drove over one of the mounds in the back yard of the house. The house was to the east of us, and there was a stone path leading from the small wooden deck on the western side of the house. We moved awkwardly over the path and continued around the northern side of the house. I wondered if the others would feel uncomfortable with the wobbling of the car over the uneven ground. They might worry that i would tip the car over. There was a steep hill to the north of us which wrapped around to the east of the house. I had to control the small vehicle so that we did not go over the hill. I thought that the people with me would also be worried that i might drive them over the cliff. I was careful, though, as i floated just above the ground, pushing the flat object on the end of the broomstick across the surface of the snow. I scanned the snow in front of me, trying to spot the faint trail of packed snow in the ground where others had scrapped their flat things over the ground. I watched the yellow thing scrape the ground as i pushed it in front of me. The others, who were in the house with us, commented on the uneven trail. They were sitting on the foot of the large bed against the northern wall. I crossed the large room, heading to the west, watching the flat plate scrape across the ground in front of me. This seemed like a daring trip because of the heavy snow on the ground. I led the others around the northern side of the house, to the west. As we came to the western side of the house, i suddenly realized that we were heading around the house to the east before, but now we were moving west. Something seemed strange. I decided that it must be a matter of perspective. We must have traveled on the southern side of the last house, which made it seem like we were traveling east. On the west side of the house, there was a large dirt parking lot where the snow had been plowed. This place seemed to be the truck stop in $P67. There were several people standing in the lot as we arrived, and i though that they must be drivers. I floated above the lot, heading to the southwest. There were several tractor-trailers parked in the lot to the west of the truck stop. There also seemed to be some gas pumps to the west of the small building. The others started to spread out in the lot. I thought that they might be persuaded to stop by the truck drivers. It was a hard voyage to the cottage, and i wanted them to continue, but i thought that the others did not really want to go. I watched one of the women, who was traveling with us, stop on the south side of the pumps and talk to a truck driver. She was wearing tight denim pants and a tight short-sleeved pink shirt. She seemed to be flirting with the driver as she mentioned alcohol. I told her that there was a lot of alcohol in our car. I was trying to persuade her not to stop or get distracted by the drivers. I told the others that i would continue to the cottage. I thought that i could follow the main road to the southwest. The main road ran to the south of the diner. It was cold out, but i did not feel that cold. I was surprised that i could fly so long without getting chilly. I hoped that the others continued with me. I did not want them to give up.
12004 May 22
I ran to the west, across the grassy area to the south of the park in $P127. There were several other people gathered on the grass, facing north, as though part of a gymnastics class. I ran into the middle of them and looked to the north at the woman who was speaking. I was holding something down on the ground in front of me. I was then to the north of me, watching myself hold down the narrow end of a large tan blimp. The balloon was partially inflated, but was not floating. I was just trying to hold it down so that the wind from the east did not blow it away. I was aware that there was something comical in this action. The woman would find it amusing because it was part of the act. I watched myself struggle to hold the balloon down, thinking that this comedy skit was familiar.
12004 May 24
I hurried down the hall of the fraternity house, heading to the south. I could see myself as i walked. I was wearing thin pajamas which were white with wide faded-blue stripes. My open white housecoat flapped behind me. The clothing was part of a costume party, but i was heading upstairs to my room. I was on the second floor of $P19. It seemed that i lived here again. I walked up the stairs at the southern end of the hall and came to the room on the third floor. I played around in the housecoat at the southern end of the long room. I thought that i should get changed for bed, but it felt slightly uncomfortable being here. It seemed as though i should have left here a long time ago. My bed was a single bed against the southern wall of the room. I turned to my bed, noticing that there was a small metal rack standing in front of the bed. It was a metal rack, with two metal baskets, one over the other. I had some clothing in the baskets. The basket seemed to be in the way where it was, so i rolled it to the east. I then realized that it would be in the way of the other bed, which was against the eastern wall. I moved the rack around a few times, but it always seemed to be in the way. Finally, i moved the rack to the center of the room, near the west wall. There was then someone else in the room. He seemed like $A370. He was my roommate, but i felt slightly uncomfortable with him in the room. He was sleeping in the bunk bed against the east wall, so i would have to move the rack so that it was not blocking his bed. I rolled the rack from the center of the room and moved it near my bed, noticing that it now had four shelves. As i pushed it, the vertical support poles on each of the four corners started to slide down, as though it was a telescoping pole. I tried to pull the top shelf back up, but some of the other shelves started sliding down to the shelves below them. I decided to leave the shelf near the head of my bed. I then turned my attention back to the young man. He was starting to change his clothes for bed. He pulled off his shirt. I knew that he had a nicely built upper body, but i tried not to notice. I felt unsure here. It did not seem right that i should be staying here again. I felt out of place.
12004 May 25
I swam through the ocean water, heading toward the shore, to the northwest. There were many other people in the water with me. The water seemed relatively shallow around me, though i could not touch the bottom were i was. There was a mound of dark black rocks under the water to the north which seemed to be part of a reef. I felt unsafe here and thought that there might be something in the water near me. I watched the other person climb up onto the rocks so the southeast of me as i tread water. There then seemed to be something under the water that i was afraid of. I looked to the west as i tried to swim to the southeast, toward the shore. I realized that there was a shark in the water. The other swimmers around me were gathered into a small group, and they kicked at the shark as they moved to the south. I knew that if you kicked a shark on the nose, it might break off an attack. I now stood on the top of the black rocks on the eastern side of the square bay. I seemed to be quite high above the clear water. There was a cliff along the western side of the water. The cliff was made of the same black rock that covered the southern shore. I could see a long tentacle stretched across the sandy bottom of the square bay. It seemed like the tentacles of a very dangerous animal. I wondered if it was related to Leviathan. I felt scared of the animal and started to feel tense. My father was still in the water. He did not seem aware of the animal coming toward him as he waded casually toward the western shore. The thing underwater was moving toward the man, who seemed to be more of a creature himself. I was worried that he would not get out of the water in time. As the heavy man neared the black wall on the western edge of the water, the creature surfaced right behind him, pushing him into the rocks. The man is the light-blue shorts now had large yellow eyes on the sides of his head. I still felt worried about him, but he did not really seem like a man anymore. The monster continued to push the man into the rocks, and i worried that the man might be crushed. Something seemed wrong. There was another person on top of the cliffs, above the man. She seemed to be reaching down to help the man, but could not reach him. The man’s yellow eyes seemed to bulge out the sides of his head as the monster pushed him into the rocks. I wanted the man to be safe, but i did not know what to do to help him.