ZUDEMA

12005 May 03

I opened the white closet door to the east of me and started putting things back into the closet. I had just moved into this apartment and was putting things away. I remembered living here before, and it felt strange to be back. There seemed to be a white dresser just inside the closet, and i placed several things on top of it. I hoped that i had room to put all of my things. I then looked up, wondering if i had enough space to hang my clothing. I realized that there was no clothing bar in the closet. There had been one the last time i rented this place. I then noticed the white bar protruding from the eastern wall of the closet, and i thought that it was a short clothes rack. As i looked closer at the end of the pole, however, i realized that it had a small white bulbous glass object on the end. It was some kind of heat sensor. Above it, i could see the sprinkler and the smoke detector on the ceiling of the closet. I could not hang clothing from the pole because it might set off the fire-alarm system. I thought that the people who had rented the apartment just before me must have removed the bar from the closet. I stepped back from the closet and was in the center of the empty white room looking at the closet door. The closet seemed to be set into the room, protruding from the southern half of the eastern wall, with the door of the room just to the north. I noticed that the broom was hanging from a nail in the ceiling. The handle of the broom was propped against the top of the closet doorframe, and the center of the yellow handle was resting on a nail which had been put into the white plaster of the ceiling at an angle. I grabbed the broom, thinking that it would not stay on the nail. It belonged in the closet. I opened the closet door and stood the broom just to the south of center of the closet. It rested with its bristles up, with the other cleaning implements. It seemed to be just to the north of the dresser now. I arranged some of the things on the dresser and looked to the south, noticing that the closet was very deep. It stretched for quite a way to the south. There were hooks along the western wall of the closet, and shelves on the upper part of the eastern wall. I thought that i could hang my jackets on the hooks. I imagined my parents visiting and me telling them that their jackets would have to be hung on the hooks in this closet. I then spotted a few of the shogun-warrior figures standing on something in the southern side of the closet. There were more figures just below me on the floor. I thought that i should have placed more things into the back of the closet. The closet seemed too narrow to walk through when it was full of things, so i thought that i might be wasting the space in the back. I turned back to the east and started putting other things in the closet. I then noticed that there was a high shelf at the back of the closet which had some silver electronic equipment on it. The closet was now deep to the east, and the back of the closet seemed unfinished. The walls were dark, and seemed to lack plaster. I put something on the low shelf which was against the northern wall of the closet and then stopped to listen as i looked back up at the two silvery plastic speakers. I could hear the faint sound of music coming from them. Someone had left them here and left them turned on. I then stepped back out of the closet, closed the door, and then stepped back in, heading to the east, into the back part of the closet. I reached up and grabbed the small cubical silvery plastic stereo. It had a silver dial on the front which seemed dented. A small red light indicated that the unit was turned on. It was scuffed up and worn, but still seemed to be working well. As i looked down at the box in my hands, i spotted the black shoes and black pant legs of someone approaching me from the northeast. I was startled, and turned suddenly to face him. I could not see him, but he seemed to be living here. I felt angered at him and pushed him out of the door of the apartment, which was now on the northern wall of the room. He was a repairman now, who had come to ask me if i wanted any repair on my house. I told him that i did not need any. He stood on the porch, which was on the northern side of the old house. Things around me seemed run down, but i told him that i did not need any repairs. I felt rather obstinate. I now seemed to be facing west as i looked through the screen door of the house at the man. As i told him i did not need any help, the northern end of the metal gutter, which was attached to the edge of the roof of the porch, fell down. It seemed to have heavy green moss hanging from it. I felt annoyed, but told the man that i did not want his help. He walked to the east, down the length of the porch and off the southern end. He met up with a second repairman, and they spoke about something. I walked to the west and looked at the gutter, which was now hanging from the old barn. The barn was on the southern side of the dirt driveway, across the driveway from the house. The barn was covered with dull unpainted wood, and the large garage door on the western end of the northern wall of the barn was open, and i could see the debris and junk inside. The western end of the barn seemed to be open as well. I then heard the repairman talking to his friend to the east. He said something about finding the other apartment in the house. He said that it was at a half address. His friend said that they had checked the front of the house but could still not find the apartment. I felt annoyed with them and wanted them to leave my house. I did not want them here. I tried to ignore them as i looked at the end of the barn, but they walked into the small shop which was to the west of the driveway. I was annoyed with them, and walked toward the front of the shop. The old rugged wooden building was to the southwest of the house. It looked like an old western store, with a wooden boardwalk which was covered by a thin wooden roof. The boardwalk on the front of the store was covered with junk and old equipment. I walked into the door at the center of the store and saw the two men standing behind the counter. One of them had picked up a doughnut from the counter, which ran along the western wall of the building. I told the man that he would have to pay for the doughnuts, but he did not seem to pay attention. A man and a woman stood to the to the northwest, behind the counter. The man was standing behind the woman, his hands on her shoulders. They both had long dreadlocked hair and were wearing loose tee shirts. The woman seemed to have a bandana tied around the bundle of hair at the back of her head. They rented this store, and they seemed confused by the two men who had entered. I told the man again that he would have to pay for the doughnut. He looked at me this time, and i backed up from the counter to get a better look at the top of the western wall, where the blackboards with prices were. I looked for doughnuts on the boards, but i could not find it. The man then asked me how much the doughnuts were. I could not find an answer. The white hand-drawn text seemed to give the price for other things on the menu, but i did not see anything which seemed like doughnuts.

We drove to the east along the short suburban street. The area around us was mostly cut grass, as though we were driving through a small park, but it seemed that there were houses around the outside of the grassy area. There was a short chain-link fence to the north of us, just on the other side of the sidewalk. Everything here seemed old, as though it was build fifty years ago and had not been refinished lately. The cement of the curb and sidewalk seemed worn and rough. The road was narrow, and had several large potholes in it. We drove carefully toward the intersection ahead. There seemed to be a large willow tree at the northern edge of the grassy lot to the south of us. The tree was near the eastern edge of the lot. There was a small house to the north of us, the only building on the small block of cut grass. I commented about the potholes to by parents, saying that there was something symbolic to them. They had something to do with an episode of The Simpsons. They would have to cover the potholes to fake this event. We came to a stop at the corner, which was just east of the house. The others were moving around near me as i looked to the north. Everyone was getting ready to leave this place. It had something to do with the potholes and the mock event. I said goodbye to the old couple as they continued to the east, away from the rest of the crowd and into the old neighbourhood. There was a structure to the northeast of us which seemed like some kind of carnival ride. The sky was grey now, and the grass to the north seemed dry and matted down. It seemed that we were now standing on a small boat in the water. We had been moving to the east, along the shore. The shore was a small cliff which led up to the grassy field. We were waiting for the ride, but it seemed that it might take some time. We were standing under the large willow tree when the wind started to blow. The others on the ride held on. The tree near us swayed to the west with the wind, and i realized that we were standing on a small floating island with the tree. The island moved quickly over the milky white water, toward the shallow muddy shore to the west. This seemed like part of the ride, and i looked out over the water to the north, thinking that the boat would bob in the waves. I said something to the person who was standing to the east of me. I was still waiting in the queue. I then looked to the north again, out the large window to the small island below. We seemed to be very far above the island, and i could see the squares of different coloured fields across the land of the theme park. The window ran the full length of the wall to the west, from the ceiling to the floor. There was a round metal rail running in front of the window, at about my waist level. I looked down at the island and realized how far up we really were from it, but then i realized that it did not seem to be that far below us. I felt that we were on a balcony looking down into a room which was only a few metres below where we were standing. I thought that the island must be a model of the theme park, but i could not be sure. I commented on the map to the others. I searched the land again. I had seen the sparkle of cars moving over the surface before. The cars would be real because they could not be easily faked on small-scale model. I looked around the land until i spotted three cars pulling into parking spaces. They were moving very slow, and i realized that they were definitely models. The yellow station wagon pulled forward into the space. I thought that, if they were really models, they would have to repeat their motion because the mechanism could not be complicated enough to mimic continual motion. The yellow station wagon moved unevenly into the gravel parking space, the smaller brown car pulling in to the southwest of it. Something then changed, and the area started to rotate. Either we were turning around the room with the model, or it was rotating in front of us. My attention was drawn to the west, to the back of the room, where a series of green plastic station wagons zoomed into the room from the darkness to the west. They were larger than the plastic cars on the landscape. One at a time, they sped across the cement floor and came to an abrupt stop in a line which was parallel to the window. There now seemed to be more people at the window watching this event. It was some kind of spectacle in the shop window. All of the toys were assembling, and it was an event that people came to see at certain times of the day. All of the toys moved abruptly, zooming into place from the back of the room. I stepped back from the window suddenly as i realized that the metal bar on the other side of the window was being populated with green plastic trucks. The trucks seemed to appear side by side on the bar, their front wheels hanging over the bar so that we could see the shiny tops of the old pickup trucks. I said something to the person to my left as the area continued to rotate. I then looked up at the blue boy who was putting the trucks on the rail. I pointed out the boy to the person next to me, saying that the boy was famous from a commercial. He had a rounded face and light blue skin. His dark blue hair hung over part of his face as he smiled with glee at the trucks. There were several versions of the boy now, one behind each truck. They filled the window as they played with the green toy. There was some cultural recognition with this picture, but i did not think that my friend knew about it. It was

12005 May 05

I was watching myself walk to the northwest, up the dirt driveway which ran to the east of the small shabby house. The trees in the wooded area around the house seemed to be leafless, and the air was damp. Someone i knew approached me from the west and said hello. It seemed good to see her. She seemed like $F32. I greeted her and started to walk to the west, toward the house. I felt that we had just come back from somewhere, but she was inviting me into her house where the rest of the cast would come. The small one-level house seemed to be L shaped, with a flagstone patio in the corner of the L. I listened to $F32 as we walked across the patio. She leaned close to me and asked me how $F32 has been doing. I told her that i had not seen $F32 since she moved away. I said that i did not have her contact number. As we walked across the patio, i glanced at the rustic stone furniture and ornaments. This place seemed nicely detailed. We were then inside the building. The kitchen inside was large, with two small rooms to the south. The rooms seemed shallow, and the doorways to the rooms were near each other on the south wall of the kitchen. There also seemed to be a room to the west. The ceiling of the kitchen sloped slightly to the north, and it seemed as though it was the same slope of the roof outside. $F32 said something as she welcomed me into the house. I felt strange being here. I had not planned to come to this event, but i felt that i should stay now that i had run into her. I looked over the table which was between the doorways on the southern wall. It seemed like a card table, but it was large and filled with plastic plates of food. The room seemed worn, but nicely decorated. $F32 said something which made it seem that she would be leaving be by myself for a moment. She then started to wander to southwest. I glanced at the ceiling as she started to leave, noticing that there were several pieces of plaster molding attached to it. As i looked more closely, i noticed that the ornaments were arranged in a circular pattern in one of the domes on the ceiling. I thought that it was a nice way to decorate the ceiling. I backed into the center of the room and looked around. There was a man sitting on the edge of the bed in the room directly to the south of me. He had several piercings on his face and was wearing a black tee shirt. His hair was streaked with blue and was cut into a short mohawk. He was talking to a woman who was sitting on the floor under him, resting her back against the orange bed or couch. Several other people were hanging around the apartment talking. I felt out of place, and thought that the people might look down on me because i was so plain. I walked to the exit door, which was on the eastern side of the northern wall, and placed my backpack on the floor to the west of the door. There seemed to be a square support column there with a pile of personal articles next to it, so i put my bag there as well. I then started to take off my heavy blue coat. I paced around the room, feeling out of place and wondering how long i should stay here. I thought that i really would not feel comfortable here, but i felt as though i had to stay for the party because i had run into $F32 and i now no longer had a way to back out of staying. I moved around the room, trying to think of what to do. I was then sitting against the western wall of the room. I had been defecating in a toilet, but there was no toilet paper here. I looked at the door in the southern wall of the room and thought that i should go into the bathroom there to get toilet paper. I stood up and pulled my shirt down as i walked toward the bathroom. As i approached, though, i noticed someone standing just to the east of the door. I thought that i remembered someone entering the room a few minutes before. I asked the man if the bathroom was in use, and he told me that it was. I felt annoyed, and did not want to stand around the room in just my shirt. I needed to wipe myself. I could feel that there might be some feces on my buttocks that i had to wipe off. I pulled the back of my maroon sweatshirt down so that others in the room would not see the feces hanging from my anus. The door of the house then opened up and a group of people came in. I was annoyed and hoped that i could get into the bathroom before anyone noticed that i was had feces on by buttocks. I hoped that the shirt hung low enough to cover it up. It felt like it did, but i could not tell for sure. I walked to the eastern side of the door to wait. As i moved, i realized that the turd was hanging from me. I could feel it break off and fall to the floor. I looked down to see a small round turd on the floor. The man who had been standing by the bathroom door noticed it, but the others to the north did not seem to notice. I tired to act casually about it as i looked around for a napkin. I could not see one on the table, so i asked the man by the door to get me one. He agreed and handed me a cloth towel. I knelt down and picked up the turd, wrapping it in the paper towel. I felt embarrassed and annoyed, but did not make a big scene about it. I simply continued on as though it was nothing special.

12005 May 06

I was walking up the city street, heading to the north on the western side of the road. The buildings on either side of the narrow road were tall and very close to the sidewalk. It was very late at night, and it seemed that we had just come from a concert. I paused for a moment, saying something about the time. I thought that we should get a snack to eat, but it felt very late at night. $Z said something as i looked back down the slight slope of the hill, to the south. I then woke up suddenly, aware of a new surrounding. I looked to the east, across the table at the others. We were sitting down in a restaurant. Something felt confusing and i looked around. $F45 was sitting just to the north of me. He bent over to write something on the bill, which was on the seat between us. I looked down at the bill and realized that he was paying already. I then noticed that the bill was over a hundred dollars. I leaned in and asked him what the bill was for. I realized that there were three full meals on the check, and i asked him if i had actually eaten dinner. He said that i had the hot wings. I was surprised as i sat erect, telling him that i did not really like hot wings. I thought that they would have upset my stomach, but i was not sure whether i felt anything in my stomach. I then felt shocked. I had eaten dinner and not realized it. I told $F45 that i had blacked out for several hours. It seemed to be much later in the day that it was before, and i was concerned about the time that i had lost. I could not believe that i did not remember what i had done. I could clearly remember going from standing on the street to waking in the restaurant with nothing in between. Something seemed seriously wrong. I wondered if it had anything to do with the drugs i had taken. I knew that medication could cause the effects, but i did not think that what i had taken should block out my memory. I contemplated this as we walked out of the restaurant and started up the slight slope of the hill to the south. I seemed to be on my own now, but i could not stop worrying about the lost time. I started climbing the red metal steps which went up the nearly vertical wall of the sidewalk. I was moving slowly because i could not concentrate on anything but trying to figure out where the missing time went. I then realized that a couple of college men had come out of the restaurant behind me and were trying to make it up the stairs. They could not climb the ladder-like stairs until i got out of their way. I focused on putting my foot down on the next flat metal loop which formed a step. I seemed to be having trouble coordinating the step. I finally pulled myself up to the top and let the men pass. I walked slowly to the south, worried about the missing time.

I stood on the road in the middle of the country, thinking about what had happened. There was a large furry animal to the south, in the middle of a field. I had been driving from the east, from the small town, but had stopped when i saw the animal. It looked like a large bison with long brown dreadlocks all over its body. It was as tall as a large elephant, but had a longer body. It was pulling a plow across the dusty field. As it reached the western end of the field, it stopped and turned around, but there seemed to be something wrong with it. I could hear someone talking about the destruction of nature, and i watched the animal shake its head over the ground. It swayed and then fell over. The voice said that the animals were killing themselves and that this was happening all over the world. I felt concerned. It meant something that the animals were dying. I looked at the large animal as it lay in the green grass of the yard to the west of the large log house. I turned to the north to see the road ahead of me stretching into the mountains. The trees in the area seemed to be tall evergreens. I could still hear the voice reporting on the dying animals. There was a smaller road heading to the east which ran between two green grassy fields. There seemed to be thin wire fences around the fields. $A384 stood at the corner of the intersection, and i told him about the animals. I then cautioned him about the large animal running across the field behind him. It was coming closer to us, so i rolled up the window of the car so that it could not get me. I was sitting in the back seat of the black car, which was facing north. I looked back at the large furry animal to the west and then back to $A384. There was a gazelle running toward him from the east. He stepped out of the way, but the animal continued toward me. I quickly rolled up the window of the back door of the car. There was a small brown house in the middle of the small yard. The animal then ran across the yard toward him again. This time, $A384 was standing near the front of my car. He stepped out of the way quickly, and i heard the white and tan goat hit the front corner of the car. It ran to the west and then around the back of the car. I looked out the window and saw that the goat was staring back at me. It could not tell if i was really there because the window was up between us. I stared at it for a moment, and i saw the green glow of a small computer monitor across its face. The scene changed so that i was looking at a black circuit board with several glowing diodes on it. It was the face of the animal. I turned to the north to see that $A384 was moving toward the car. He got into the back seat on the driver’s side and we started to drive away. I was driving him away from this area. We headed to the east, up the steep hill which let onto the college campus. There were large grey stone buildings on both sides of the road as we reached the intersection. I was talking to him, but it really seemed that i was speaking to $F12. I said that i should not have brought him all the way up the hill. I would eventually have to return him to the farm where his car was. I could not figure out why i had driven all the way up here, and i turned around. I was heading to the west, across the room. $F12 said something, though, which caught my attention. I turned around to see him standing by the southeastern corner of the long wooden table which was in the center of the small room. I was standing on the western end of the table. $F12 said that he had to do something, and he held out his left hand. There were four white pills in his hand. He had to take them for something. I felt concerned, remembering that i could not remember what had happened. I told $F12 about it, but he was concerned about what he had to do.

12005 May 07

My father told me to take the truck and head to the end of the pier, but be careful not to drive off. He was going to wait here in town. I looked down the street of the small city as i started to move to the northeast. I was on an island, but i could not see water anywhere. We were going to someone’s house. I turned a corner and looked down the street ahead, still heading to the northeast. I could see water at the end of the street. This seemed like the place where i should go. There was a large boat on the west side of the dock, floating in the water. I thought that it belonged to the man that we had come here to see. He was a friend of my father. I then realized that the road ended very abruptly at the edge of a pier. I slammed on the brakes and the truck skidded to a stop. I was too close to the edge of the pier, though, and the front wheels dropped over the edge of the wide paved dock. I quickly got out of the truck and hopped down to the west side of the pier. The pier was facing north, and the old blue pick-up truck was resting on the edge of it. I reached up and grabbed onto the trucks tires. It seemed precariously balanced on the edge of the pier, which now seemed to be a wooden dock. I was standing on the side of the dock as i reached under the front of the truck and grabbed onto the white plastic cubical box. The box contained my camping supplies, which i wanted to get off of the truck so that we could settle in here. I pulled on the box, slipping it out of the red elastic string which held it to the underside of the truck. As i put it on the ground, the truck seemed to wobble. I reached up and pulled on the front tire, making sure that it was stable. It seemed to be sitting on the top of another vehicle now. The blue truck tipped suddenly, but remained balanced. Then, all of the sudden, it tipped to the east and rolled off the east side of the dock. I felt suddenly worried and ran to the top of the dock to see where it went. I was inside a large wooden building now, with the dock running down the eastern side of it. I stood at the center of the dock and saw the thin blue truck floating in the water to the east of the dock. I was upset. I would not be able to get it out of the water by myself. I turned around, wondering where i could go for help. I realized that someone had driven a car into the garage behind the dock, blocking the way out. I then noticed another vehicle behind it. There were a few men unpacking things from a green car, and i though that they were the people that we had come to see. I said something to them, but didn’t know what i should do. One of the men looked like $A385. I thought that we had come to visit him. I walked past them and out into the street. We had to get the truck out of the water, and i thought that i had to tell my father about it, but i did not know how to get to him. He was still at the post office in town. I started down the street, floating slightly off the ground. I then turned back to the men and asked them if any of them would be going to the post office, but they did not seem to respond. I felt anxious and wondered what i should do. I started to swim through the air, pulling my hands through the air to pull myself forward. This did not seem right. I could not make it all the way to the post office doing this. I had to find a better way, but i could not think of any. I started to swim again.

12005 May 08

I was in the classroom, sitting in a metal-framed wooden armchair. I was facing west, toward the board. I was taking courses here again. It seemed like i had come back after a long time away. My mother was writing my grades on the white board on the western wall of the room. I felt that i did very badly in history, and i felt somewhat disappointed. As my mother wrote everyone’s grades on the board, i started to feel that i was not doing well in any of my subjects. I knew that i used to do very well in everything, but i felt that i was no longer able to study things as i used to. $F4 was sitting to the north of me in one of the armchairs. Both of us seemed to be in the front row of the class. I felt very bad about my failing studies, and i spoke to $F4 about it. I did not think that i should be here. He seemed to be very supportive. I looked to the north, out the large window of the classroom. I thought about the courses, and then started to wonder why i had taken physics and history again. I had already taken them in high school. It seemed that i did not really need to take them again. It was a mistake to try to redo the subjects. They would have let me pass without taking these classes again, but i took them anyway, and now i felt bad that i had. I should have just accepted the passing grades in the subjects. I looked out the window to see a wide cut-grass playing filed to the north of the school. The school seemed to be a two-story brick building with old metal-framed windows. Several young men ran onto the field in shorts and tee shirts, kicking a soccer ball around. There seemed to be several large vehicles around them, and i realized that there was some construction taking place in the field. The soccer players ran to the northeast, into the center of the field. To the west of them, several large construction vehicles stood, blocking the view of that side of the filed. I then realized that there was a large trench dug from west to east in the ground just to the north of the soccer players. The trench did not seem to be dug out but rather carved out. I felt that there was some danger here, and i looked at the trench, trying to figure out what was wrong. I realized that the trench was carved by an impact. I thought that one of the construction vehicles must have exploded and the flying shrapnel must have tore open the trench. The soccer players stopped at the edge of the trench to look in. This did not feel right. I knew that we should not be seeing this disaster. They would not want us to know what was happening. There was some danger here and i felt anxious as i started to move to the north, hovering over the field. I was standing in a small white carriage with rounded sides. It seemed like the carriages which are used by electric workers when they fix power lines, but it did not seem to be attached to the long arm of a truck. I floated to the north, passing over the trench. I looked at the vehicles to the west, feeling that something bad was going to happen which related to them. I then noticed that there were several other trenches carved into the ground. They all radiated from a central point, which was just to the west of where i was floating. The pattern seemed regular and intentionally carved, forming an eight-armed cross. I started to feel nervous as i passed over the center of the cross. I then realized that several of the construction vehicles were dull-green, and i thought that they were really military vehicles. I looked at the western end of the cross and realized that there were military men marching into the trench. Several civilians seemed to be mixed in with their ranks. This was some sort of testing ground, and i felt that this was a serious situation. I had to get out of here before someone tried to catch me. They would not want anyone knowing about the events that were taking place here. I willed myself to float to the northeast, away from the field. I noticed that there was a residential area bordering the northern side of the filed. I had to reach it so that i could land and try to mix in with the general public before the troops spotted my. I tensed up, trying to will the pod i was floating on to move faster, but it drifted at a slow pace. I felt impatient and knew that i had to get away from the site and hide before they found me. I then heard a voice from behind me. It was talking about the amount of time left. I realized that this was a countdown. We were in danger. I thought that they were going to radiate their subjects in the trench. I felt nervous and felt that we had to get away to a safe distance. I then heard a sound behind me. I thought that the nuclear bomb had detonated, so i looked away from the field and closed my eyes. I then though that i would be too close to the bomb to survive. I would be vaporized instantly. I tried to focus, thinking that i might be dead. I heard the sound of static around me, thinking that this must be what it is like to die. I realized that i had to focus my thoughts and maintain focus if i wanted my consciousness to continue. I listened to the static and tried to concentrate on it. I realized that i could see images moving within the black-and-white grains. I focused on the shapes, realizing that they changed with the tone of the sound i was still hearing. I watched the changing shapes for a moment as i focused on the accompanying sound. Then the images ended, and we were floating again toward the edge of the field. Something was different now. I thought that we were now phantoms. Our physical bodies had been destroyed, but we were able to retain our consciousness by focusing on the sound and static. I continued to float to the east. We had to get away before they found us here. They did not want us to know how to survive the destruction. I headed down the long white hall to the east. $Z was with me. The hall had cement walls and ceiling and seemed to be in the basement of a building. I came to a section of stairs at the end of the hall and started climbing. The cement stairs had rounded metal railings. They ran up a narrow corridor, heading up to the east. I reached the top found that a corridor ran from east to west along the southern side of the stairs. To the east, another set of stairs seemed to go up. There was an open space between the stairs and the floor of the corridor. Railings surrounded the edges of the corridor. I thought that i should head up the stairs, but then i realized that $F4 was with me. It was good that he survived the blast too. We ran to the stairwell and started up it. We had to get away from the others who might follow us. I thought that we had to get to the second floor because it would lead us outside on the other side of the building. We ran into the stair well and started up the stairs. As we reached the landing against the eastern wall of the stairwell, i realized that the stairs leaving the landing on the south side descended. I ran back down, knowing that the stairs had to go back down before they went up again. There was some functional purpose in this. We turned at the western wall and started back to the east. The stairs descended to the center of the stairwell before they started back up. I started down the flight, passing the first floor again, when i heard someone close the door at the bottom of the stairwell. They were coming, and we could not let them find us here. He had to get a way. We came out of the stairwell and onto the second floor, but we had to head west. I stopped, realizing that the person behind us was coming up the stairs to the west of us. He would be ahead of us. $F4 started to the west, but i grabbed him from behind and held him back. If he ran in that direction, the other might spot him. He seemed intent on going, though, and i found that i had to hold him harder. I know that he wanted to confront the other because he was angry about what had happened. I then noticed that $F4 was now not wearing a shirt, and i could see the muscle detail on his shoulders. I thought that it was quite nice. My attention was then drawn to the other person, who had floated up the stairwell and over the railing. He moved over the floor toward us. $F4 tried to attack him, kicking him in the abdomen. The man just laughed. He was a ghost as well, so there was no way that we could hurt him. We could not do anything to them anymore. I felt uncertain, realizing that they were more familiar with this non-corporeal state. I wondered what we should do now. I did not want them to have power over me, but i did not know what i could do in this ghostly state. I did not know how defend myself.

12005 May 11

I was in the small bedroom of the house. I felt tense, knowing that i was doing something illegal. The room had light blue walls, and was very small. There was a small bed against the north wall, to the west of where i was standing, and the floor was covered with clothing and other items. There was a small electric space heater to the west, on the floor. I picked up the newspaper and tossed it over top of the heater. I thought that the red coils would heat it up enough to set it on fire. I wanted to get the building burning, but i was worried about being caught. No one could know that we started the fire on purpose. I ran out of the room, heading north. I came out the back door of my grandmother’s house and turned to the east. It was dark outside. I noticed the fire alarm on the interior wall which stood just to the east of the driveway. The wall seemed to be covered with wood paneling. I pulled the fire alarms so that it did not seem that i had something to do with starting the fire. I pulled the white T-shaped handle down and a bell rang. As i let go, however, the bell stopped ringing. I pulled the handle again, but could not get the alarm to stay on. I felt nervous and started down the driveway to the south. $K7 was just walking into the driveway from the sidewalk. She was coming from the west. She looked around nervously and asked if we had started the fire yet. I felt uneasy with the question and told her to keep quiet. I worried that the neighbours might hear us talking and know that we planned the fire. I looked to the west, across the front of the blue house. I could see an orange glow in the second-floor window, which was on the western side of the building. I had to alert others to the fire. The orange glow made it seem that the fire had spread enough to catch the room on fire. I acted surprised in case anyone was watching us. I hurried into the house, feeling that i should try to put the fire out.

12005 May 12

I moved to the east, across the southern end of the large room. I seemed to be in a high school gymnasium. The others around me moved in various directions, and i tried to follow a few of them. I was thinking about something, but could not understand how it went. It had to do with one of the extraterrestrial species i had written about. I looked at the diagram which was crudely sketched on the paper that i was holding in my hand. It looked like a picture of land and sea next to each other. I told the person that there were four colours of life on this planet. The main sentient beings were blue, but there was also the black life under the sea, the red plant life across the land, and the white life of the other sentient beings. I showed the picture to the other as he paused for a moment to the north of me. I asked him if i was right. He corrected me, saying that the white sentient beings were under the sea. I remembered that this was probably right. As on Earth, the cephalopods were sentient but not obviously so. I thought that they were part of another civilization which could think the same as the dominant species, but simply did not choose to create cities and structures. As i started to move to the west, i thought that i should write all this down. I imagined the plant life being red, and i decided that it would actually have to be more of a rust colour. I then wondered why there would not be a variety of colours in flora as on Earth. Flora on Earth was usually green, so this flora would be usually dark red, but there had to be some variation. I then thought about the white under the sea. I had thought that black would be better under the sea because the fish would have black scales, but then i thought that white made more sense because of the lack of light at the great depths. I told the other person that the black must relate to the other mammals on the planet. It then occurred to me that the dominant blue species must me comparable to our mammals, so the mammals would really be blue. It would only be the lesser animals which would be black.

12005 May 13

As i walked to the north, i thought that it would be better if i could actually graft a metal to the outside of by body. It would protect me from projectiles. I imagined a brass statue of a human figure standing on the lawn. When the police came to search for me, my parents would tell them that they did not know there i was, but i would be hiding within the statue. I thought that they could shoot at me, but the bullets would not be able to penetrate the metal. I then thought that i would not actually be able to see the police, so i would not know when it was safe to come out of hiding. I thought that my eyes would be hard to cover with the metal, so they might give away my hiding place. I then thought that we should have enough technology to be able to cover my eyes with some slightly transparent material which would look like metal. The police would not be able to identify me within the metal shell. I decided that i should not be standing once i was covered with metal because it would be too hard to balance. I might fall over. I knelt down on the ground outside the house, thinking about the metal casing. I was then aware that my parents had come back. I was lying on my stomach in the middle of the gravel driveway. I turned to look at them. They said that it would not work. The police would not believe them and they were coming to arrest me tomorrow. My father seemed very disappointed that he could not change the minds of the authorities. I stood up and walked into the house. As i crossed the stone steps which led into the kitchen door, i thought about the subpoena which had been issued for me. I had been accused of vandalizing a statue. I did not remember ever doing it, but i thought it might have happened when i was with $G4. I thought that the police would come the next morning to bring be to court to be charged with the crime. They claimed that i had been charged earlier but did not appear in court as i was supposed to. I knew that i had never received the summons, and would tell them so. I then wondered what i had done. I knew that i did nothing wrong, and i felt that i was being unjustly accused.

12005 May 18

I said something to $Z as i pulled the black guitar case from the pile of stuff. I said that i was selling my old guitars to someone. He was surprised that i would be selling my things. The young rich boy then came out of the house to the north of us. We seemed to be standing in the middle of the grassy yard. It seemed cool out, and the grass seemed to just be budding. As the young boy looked over the guitar bags, i started to feel that i did not want to sell my old things. I could not tell the boy that i no longer wanted to sell my thing, so i pulled my blue guitar out of the bag and showed it to him. I felt bad about selling it, saying something to $Z, who was to the northeast of me. $Z picked up my small black amp ad looked it over. We now seemed to be close to my house, which was a plain white brick building directly to the north of us. The rich boy came from the house next door, to the west. The other young boy was then near us. He seemed very small for his age, and i felt uncomfortable having him around. I felt that someone should be supervising him. We started to the west, to the house of the rich boy. However, the rich boy was not with us. He had run into my house and refused to listen to us. I felt that he was spoiled and was now acting like a brat. I wanted to get him out of my house, but i did not know what to do.

12005 May 20

There was something wrong with $F4, and i was unsure what i should do to help him. He seemed to be sick. He was wandering the room in a daze. I grabbed his right shirtsleeve and led him over to the table. He knew that we were trying to help him, so he followed. He laid down on the table, and i moved under the table to hold him down. We had to cut him to help him out. I grabbed his arms and held them out at his sides so that he could not move from the table. $A358 was going to cut the top of his head off so that we could fix him. I felt bad amount what was happening, and knew that operating so close to his brain would be bad. However, i felt that we had no other choice but to operate. We had to cut open his head before he died. I was aware of $A358 moving behind me as i crouched under the inclined table. He was getting his tools from the western side of the room. I looked at $F4’s thin wrists as i grabbed on to them, trying to keep him from moving around too much. I noticed that they were unnaturally thin and thought that he must have lost a lot of weight from being a vegetarian. $A358 walked to the northern side of the table and began cutting around the top of $F4’s head. $F4 pulled against me a little, but he seemed very weak and i had no trouble holding him down. After a few moments, $A358 moved away, and i let $F4 up. I stood up and looked at him. He still seemed bad, and i felt that he was still terribly injured. What we had done prevented him from dying, but he was still weak and confused. I put my left arm over his shoulder, feeling that i had to care for him. I worried about what would happen to him and wanted to make sure that he was all right.

12005 May 22

I pushed $F12 back onto the mattress, which seemed to be on the floor of the bedroom. He pulled me down with him, wrapping his legs around my waist. He was trying to wrestle me. I was amused that he wanted to wrestle, and i tried to get on top of him so that i could pin him to the ground, but he kept me back with his legs. He seemed very intent on beating me, and i suddenly wondered why he was so aggressive. I had always thought that he would like to wrestle, but i did not think that he would actually challenge me. I thought that he would feel it awkward in the context of our friendship. He squeezed me with his legs, and i realized that i had to get out of his hold if i was going to pin him. I leaned over him, trying to push his arms down. I tried to think of a way to trap his legs so that i could get the advantage, but he kept squeezing my waist. I enjoyed the struggle, thinking that it was a great challenge. I tried to readjust my position so that i could trap his arms, but i found that i could not get out of his leg lock. He was much stronger than i was, and i could not get the advantage in the match. I continued to struggle, though, just to have fun with the match.

12005 May 23

I ran to the north, down the narrow hall of the nightclub. It was dark, and the walls were covered with red cloth. I felt that i had to get out of this place. It did not feel safe here. I ran out of the back door of the building, but came into a very narrow alley, which seemed to be interior to a building. The stone walls were dark, and there seemed to be something high above acting as a roof. I turned to the west and headed down the alley. The alley also ran to the east, but it went up a short flight of stairs, and i felt that there would be someone waiting there. I did not want to get caught here because they might find out about the things i could do. I came to the end of the alley and realized that it just turned to the south, heading between two stone walls which seemed to be the outsides of buildings. I could not escape this way, and i had to lose the people who were following me. I rounded the corned and flew into the air, thinking that i could fly over the building and out of sight before they came to the corner. It seemed that i was trying to get to the street to the southeast of the building, where it seemed safer. As i rose up the side of the damp brick wall of the alley, i realized that i could not reach the roof in time. I was losing speed, and i felt that i was straining just to stay afloat. I noticed that there was an old metal-framed factory window in the brick wall. It was tipped open at the bottom. I quickly moved through the window, thinking that i had to get out of sight before they realized where i had gone. They would round the corner below me and not know where i had gone. I landed on the floor of the room inside and stood still for a moment, making sure that no one was aware of my presence. The room was very large, with crude unfinished wooden walls. The thick metal I-beams which crossed the ceiling from east to west were exposed, and seemed to be painted pale green. The room was being used as an attic where old things were stored. I looked around at the rows of junk that was piled up. It was dark in the room, but i was able to see in the dim light which was coming in through the windows on the southern wall. The metal-framed multipaned windows were near the ceiling of the brick wall, and there seemed to be a large wooden shelf with large cardboard boxes on it just under the windows. Everything in the room seemed to be covered with dust. I walked to the east, carefully stepping across the tops of the old washing machines, which were lined up in a row near the northern side of the room. I had to sneak to the other side of the room. One of the machines was not firmly on the floor, however, and shifted when i stepped on it. It wobbled, bumping into the machine next to it. I paused, looking around to see what attention the noise might have drawn. Someone moved from the southern side of the room. There was a row of refrigerators just to the south of me, on the other side of a second row of washing machines. Behind the refrigerators seemed to be another aisle which led to a door in the eastern wall. The refrigerators acted as a half wall, separating the room into two parts. A woman walked around the western end of the row of refrigerators. She scowled at me and asked me what i was doing here. The others could not know that i was here. The woman was wearing an old dress with a white lace bib over the front. Her hair was white, and she seemed like a librarian. She turned back around and headed into what seemed to be an office on the southern side of the room. I knew that she was going to call security. I had to get out of here. I jumped to the south, stepping on the other row of washers and dryers and hopping over the refrigerators. I flew toward a window in the south wall which was open. I thought that i could escape and be on the street before anyone knew where i was. The window was closed as i approached it, but i knew that i could pass through the glass if i tried. I made it through and drifted down to the damp street on the southern side of the building. This was where i wanted to be to get away. When i turned around, however, i found myself back in the alley to the north of the building. I turned to the east to see the door of the club that i had come out of. It was recessed into the brick wall on the south side of the corridor. The doorman was sitting by the door, on a thin black metal stool. He spotted me and stood up. Jokingly, he started to shake his hips in a mocking dance, waving his hands out from his sides. I shook in the same motion, thinking that i was joking with him. He knew who i was, but he would not come after me. I stopped shaking, thinking that the dance was really something the doorman was doing because he was homosexual. There was a girl standing just to the north of him now, but i knew that she was not his date. I turned to the west and started down the corridor. When i came to the corner, i turned south, but i realized that i should no longer be here. I had left the corridor already and made it to the street on the southeast side of the building. I wondered how i got back in the alley. I felt confused, wondering how i had come back here.

12005 May 28

I looked to the west, at the wide red sky of the evening. There were heavy dark clouds overhead, and the setting sun was illuminating the undersides of them. There did not seem to be any features of the land in the view, but i did notice the dark line of the distant horizon. The clouds were beautiful. I then noticed that the dark cloud in the center of my view was a storm cloud. The central section of it was rotating, and i thin funnel stretched from the cloud to the south. The red light of the sun lighted the side of the tornado, making it look picturesque. There was a storm coming, but i thought that it looked very nice. I pointed out the storm to the person who was standing to the south of me in the front yard of the house. The yard seemed to be covered with thick green short-cut grass. As i watched the storm, i realized that the storm was heading in our direction. I looked down to the west. We were on the edge of a very steep hill. The town in the valley to the west seemed to be about a kilometer below where we were, but the hill was very steep, and the town did not seem that far to the west of us. I wondered if the steepness of the hill would cause the tornado to break up and dissolve. I knew that that the updraft would be changed by the hill. I was now looking at the approaching storm through the large picture window in the southern wall of the living room of the house. The decorations in the living room seemed to be white, and the glass window took up most of the western wall. The entrance door to the house seemed to be in the northern end of the western wall. It was separated from the nest of the room by a very short dividing wall. White poles extended from the top of the wall to the ceiling, forming a partial barrier along the entrance corridor. I turned and ran to the back wall of the house, thinking that we had to get somewhere safe before the tornado came our way. I worried that it would strike the house. I ran to the northeast and down the white stairs. The stairs were in a wide stairwell and turned to the north halfway down. They then turned back to the east as they reached the basement level of the house. There was a large frosted glass window on the northern wall of the basement corridor where the stairs ended, and i decided that it would not be safe to stay here when the tornado passed by. I ran to the south and turned to the east, into the back room of the basement. The white room was very modern, with cement walls and large windows along the northern and eastern walls. The back yard of the house was at a lower level, leaving the basement room exposed to the outside. I stopped in the doorway to the room, looking to the north at the large television set which was against the western wall. Two young children were sitting on the dull-orange couch in the center of the room watching television. I told them to get out of the room and into the center of the house. I felt worried, thinking that we didn’t have much time before the tornado hit. I turned back to the west and started down the corridor into the interior of the house. $Z was standing to the west of me, down the corridor. I crossed the small room where the stairs had ended. It was the room just to the west of the television room. The stairs ended on the northern side of the room, and there was a narrow corridor leading to the west from the southern side. Here seemed to be large closets in the western wall which were covered with wooden sliding doors. I ran to the entrance of the corridor to the south and opened a door in the southern wall. I looked into what seemed to be a laundry room. It was not deep enough underground, but i thought that it could probably serve our purposes. It seemed to be the safest place in the house. I told $Z to go into the room. I then ran back to the television room to make sure the children had gone to hide. As i reached the room, however, i paused, wondering whether the tornado was really going to hit us. It seemed that it should have hit the house already if it was coming toward us. I looked out the window on the northern wall of the room, thinking that i should see debris blowing to the west if the tornado was close. Instead, i saw the dark funnel cloud pass to the north of the house, about fifty metres down the street. The storm had passed and missed the house. I walked to the northeast, out the back door of the house, which was a white metal door on the northern end of the white eastern wall. I turned to look at the storm to the west of us. The sun was still setting, and it was casting a bright red hue onto all of the dark clouds. There were several small funnel clouds moving along the bottom of the cloud cover. They were not long enough to reach the ground, but i knew that the danger from the storm was not over. My grandmother came out of the house with me and stood to the south of me. The sky was attractive, and i told my grandmother that it was the most beautiful thing i have ever seen. I then wondered whether i should have stated that. I knew that she would try to put it into a religious context and say something negative about the statement. I backed away from the house to get a better look at the western sky. I started to feel the rain on my skin. It felt great to be here, and i enjoyed the spectacular view.

12005 May 29

I walked back to the east, across the basement room of the house. The cement walls of the room were painted white, and there seemed to be several things hanging from them. It seemed that i had been talking to someone in the western end of the room. My family was gathering to the east, around a rectangular table in the eastern end of the room, and i was heading toward them. Just as i reached them, a man, who seemed like one of my uncles, came into the room from a door in the eastern end of the southern wall. $K2 walked in behind him. The man was shorter than i and wore something dark grey. His hair seemed to be flecked with white, and he had a groomed beard on his face. He was carrying two phonographs under his left arm. The sleeve of the top one was mostly blue. I realized that they were albums from Melanie. I realized that $K2 had given the man some old phonographs that he no longer wanted. I thought that he probably got them from his mother. She probably liked Melanie in the same way that my mother did. I felt upset that i had not known about the albums. I really liked Melanie and had been looking for her records for a while. The man walked to the north and played one on the phonograph which was sitting on the low table against the northern wall, in the center of the room. I heard the song that i really liked from her, and i felt sad again that i had not known no ask $K2 if i could have the phonographs. I looked down the song listing on the back of the album cover. There seemed to be a lot of good songs on it. I looked at the booklet which came with the phonograph. It was taller than it was wide, and i thought that it was an old shape for a phonograph booklet. The background of the front cover of the book was white, and it was covered with large dark-brown block letters. I flipped through the booklet and then slipped the thick booklet back into the sleeve in the center of the folding album cover. As i closed the album sleeve, i looked at the cover. It was filled with the same dark-brown text as the booklet. There were about six or seven lines of text. The lines in the middle of the cover seemed larger than the line of text at the top and the several at the bottom. One line, which was just below the center of the cover, was in dark-green type. I thought that this cover design seemed typical for something from the late 11960s or early 11970s.