ZUDEMA

12015 October 03

I drove to the south, leaving the parking area where the event had occurred. The others were still gathered in the large parking lot. I thought that i should go back to the place that we had been. It was an overlook to the southeast of where i was. We seemed to be on the top of a hill, and a cliff ran to the south and southeast of us, overlooking the valley below. The park was on the cliff, and looked out over the town to the east. This place was very scenic. I started down the road, aware of the car parked on the eastern side. I thought that this might be a police car, even though it had no significant markings. I tried to act normally, thinking that they might try to stop cars to harass people. I passed the car and looked at the intersection that i was approaching to the south. I would have to turn to the east and follow the road. I seemed to be gliding down the slope, as though on a bicycle. I turned at the intersection, wondering if i could get out of view of the watching car. If it followed me, i would be able to turn into the park without it knowing where i had gone. A road descended steeply to the southeast. I remembered that it ran to the lower level of the park that i was going to. We had been there earlier today. I thought about the park as i traveled down the road to the east. It had a beautiful view of $P14. I suddenly felt sad thinking that i would have to leave this place soon. I would probably not be able to come back here. I was still traveling to the place when i turned to the north. My car was facing south as i backed down the road to the north. I then suddenly thought that this seemed very strange. I wondered why i was backing down the road. I could just as easily drive forward. I stopped the car and tried to turn around. The car stalled, and i slided to the east, onto the snowy shoulder of the road. I was still moving to the north because the road was on a hill sloping down. I put on the breaks as i looked at the snow out the front window of the car. It looked deep, and i realized that the car would not stop with the brakes on because it was sliding. I felt annoyed and worried as i tried to start the car again. I then decided just to turn the car out into the road and face the other direction. I then noticed a large tanker truck in my rear-view mirror. It was crumpled up and seemed to be off the eastern side of the road. The body of the tank was bent in the middle because the front part seemed to be on the road and the rest on the land on the other side of the ditch. I worried that the truck would be dangerous to be near. I turned my car to the west, getting the front back on the road. I was then able to turn to the northwest and head down the road. I glanced at the tanker truck in my mirror a few times, but could not see it out the window. Finally back on the road, i drove to the west down the road, leaving the tanker truck behind me. My car started as soon as i started rolling down the pavement. Ahead of me, i could see another large truck across the road. This truck was a tractor-trailer. It was very long and blue. The front end was on the northern side of the street, and the body of the truck ran diagonally to the southwest. The rear of the truck was off the road to the south. I approached the truck, wondering what i should do. I now seemed to be driving through a developed area, with shopping plazas to the south of me. I passed a small plaza with an open parking lot. As i approached the truck, i realized that the rear end of it was actually elevated. It seemed to be high in the air. I continued to the west, heading under the truck. The sun was to the west, so i thought that it was shining in my eyes, making it difficult for me to see that the truck was being lifted. I drove under the truck. Someone to the south shouted at me in protest, but i continued under the truck. As i reached the rear of the truck, i could see a blue forklift hoisting the back of the truck from the ground. I was just to the west of the northern end of a tan building. The building was on the eastern end of another shopping plaza. I did not want to go this far on the road, but i was not sure how i could turn around now. I did not want to drive back under the truck a second time. I then remembered that the previous plaza had an open parking lot. I thought that i could drive around the block and enter the parking lot from the south, crossing to the north to get back onto the street that i had been on. I turned to the south, driving around the forklift. I was now riding my bicycle as i crossed the plaza. I turned to the east at the southern side of the plaza, heading down the hallway of the small old shopping building. The building had been converted into a small mall. It was an old building, and shops were on both sides of the narrow hallway. I looked at the picture of a guitar in the window to the northeast. I remembered some of these stores. The store did not seem like a music store, but i was interested in the musical stuff they had there. I continued down the hall, noticing a few more pictures of guitars. The pictures were black and white. They interested me, but i could not see any instruments in the store. I reached a short set of cement stairs at the eastern end of the hall. The doors seemed to be at the top of the stairs. I thought about living in this area. It seemed pleasing to have these shops so close to the houses in the neighborhood. I thought that i would be able to walk to these stores from the older houses, which were on the street to the east. I pictured the old yellow house on the northwestern corner. It had a long porch on the western side of it, where a bicycle was tied up. Something seemed very pleasing about this place. I lifted my bicycle up the stairs as i turned with the corridor to the east. Other people were around me now, and i talked to them about this place. I seemed to be in an office, which was in one of the older houses. This place seemed like a veterinary office. I said something to the woman, who was just to the east of me, and then i turned to the west to leave. I was pushing my bicycle near me. I turned it to the west, but realized that the wire fence just outside the office was in the way. The woman continued to the west, and i said something about the fence as i tried to untangle my bicycle from it. Something about this area seemed old and used, but it also seemed very familiar and welcoming.

12015 October 04

I flew over the grass of the lawn, which was to the north of the academic building. The woman was to the east of me. We had just done something in the building, and now we were outside. I felt uneasy, thinking that something was not quite right. I knew that we would not easily be able to get back into the building because the door would have locked. I swooped over the grass, turning from the south to the east. I then circled back to the west. We had been doing some project here. I stopped and looked across the large field to the southwest of me. I was now standing on the northern edge of a large open flat field. I seemed to be on a worn driveway. A tall chain-link fence surrounded the field, and i was looking through it at the two people running to the north. They were on the road that ran along the western end of the field. Someone near me said that they had gone back for something that we had left. I felt anxious to get it back. We had left it at the place where we did the filming. I had been worried about it. The two women jogged periodically, the one in front stopping to look back at her friend. They both seemed East Asian. Someone said that they had gotten the object. When they got near us, one of them mentioned the wooden cane. The woman sayed that they had left it where we had started filming, and she motioned to the east. I still felt uncomfortable here, and i remembered where the filming had started. I looked to the east, across the old suburban area. Trees blocked the view of most of the houses. A highway ran east to west to the north of us, and a curved entry ramp was to the northeast of me. I looked at the trees on the northeastern curve of the ramp. This was where we had started filming. I would have to go there to get the cane. I felt anxious about having to retrieve it.

12015 October 05

I hurried to gather my things. We had to do something to the northeast of us. I was in the back of the pick-up truck, which was facing to the east. My mother was standing in the cab of the truck, looking back at me. The cab did not seem to have a roof, so she seemed as if she were standing on the seats of the truck. I hurried to get my clothes together. My father was to the north of me, and he handed me a blue shirt on a hanger. I would have to get dressed. It had something to do with Boy Scouts. My mother was very upset, though. She stared at me because i had not done something that i should have done. I was not sure what it was, though. My father took back the hangar with the blue shirt on it as he questioned my mother. She was very angry, and i was not sure what i was supposed to do. I felt that we had to do something to the northeast.

I quickly gathered my things, feeling very anxious. I had been doing something, but i suddenly realized that it was time for me to go. $F4 had stood up to the south of me and was leaving the room. He was going to the ceremony. I mentioned it to him, saying that i would be right there. I felt as though i was not quite ready to go, though. He walked to the west, but i was still gathering my things on the northern side of the room. I then suddenly realized that i had to take a shower. I had not yet done that today. I quickly grabbed my things and headed downstairs. $F4’s father left the building to the west. I hurried into the bathroom to shave, feeling very anxious and rushed. I turned to the sink to the west to wet my face. I could see my parents and my grandmother in the next room to the west. They were sitting on the couch, watching the television on the western wall. They turned to look at me, and i told them that i was already late for the wedding. I felt that i should not be late, because the wedding was for $F4, and he was a very good friend of mine. I tried to hurry, but could not gather my things quickly enough. I then realized that i did not have shaving cream with me. I started to feel very upset and tense. I told my parents that i would have to rush back upstairs to get it. I hurried, but i felt tense. I was going to be late, and i felt very upset about it.

12015 October 07

I got out of the bed in the small bedroom, which seemed to be in the middle of the house. I had been sleeping with $A645, and it had felt very comfortable to snuggle with her. As i sat up on the southern side of the bed, she rolled out of the northern side of the bed and got dressed. I felt disappointed that she was leaving so soon. I had hoped that she would stay with me. She left the room to the west and headed to the south. I followed her into the large hallway that ran down the center of the building. The hallway ran east to west, to the south of the bedroom. I started to gather my things there. I felt disappointed that i would have to leave. My bags were on the floor, and i got my things together. A bathroom seemed to be to the northwest of where i was. I moved into the small bathroom, which had an orange hue to it. I picked up several things from near the southern wall of the room. Others were near me, gathering things. Something seemed strange. I noticed the orange splashes of color around the room. It looked as though something had been spilled. I mentioned this to the others as i walked around the western side of the group, looking at the small splatters on the floor to the northeast of me. My right hand had been splattered with orange. One of the people there picked up a plastic bottle from the white shelfs on the southern wall. The person seemed to be $A645, and she held it out for us to see. It contained an orange liquid. It might have been the liquid that got sprayed around the room. It seemed strange that someone would get the room so messy. I moved to the south, along the eastern side of the small bedroom. I had to clean my things up so that i could get going. I felt a little rushed, thinking that the family here was trying to go somewhere. I felt that i was in New York City. The apartment that i was in was very narrow east to west. I picked up by black backpack and stuffed a few things in it. I tried to remember everything that i had here. I then realized that i did not have my cell phone with me. I remembered that i had left it in my car, which was parked to the north. I had spent the weekend here without it. I looked across the small patio to the north. Bushy plants grew up between the flagstone paths. The patio seemed to be squeezed between two tall buildings on the east and west. I turned back to my black backpack and continued packing it. I had to get everything together. I then decided that i should say goodbye to the people that i had been staying with. $F18 was in the room with me as i started to the northeast, into the large kitchen of the apartment. Something seemed very familiar about this place. The city felt comfortable in a way, and i felt a little sad to leave. I then thought that i had a long drive home. It was near evening now, so i would not get home until very late. I felt somewhat uneasy about making the drive, but i knew that i would have to leave. The mother of the house was to the northeast of me. The people here seemed like $F10’s parents. Suddenly i felt as though i might not be as welcome here. I would have to say goodbye to them before i left. $F18 was in the kitchen to the northeast of me as well, near her mother. I turned to the west, realizing that the mother was on the telephone. I thought about saying goodbye to them. I paced around the small room when the older woman walked across the southern side of the room and turned to the south to get something out of a lower drawer. I moved to her to say goodbye. I then realized that it was not the mother of the house. The features were different. I realized that it was actually a man, so it must be the father of the house. I walked up to him and thanked him for letting me stay here. He looked at me curiously, as if he did not understand what i was thanking him for. I then headed to the east, across the kitchen to where the mother was. She was still talking on the telephone. She told the person on the phone about me, saying that i she had to take care of me for the weekend. I felt uncomfortable, thinking that they did not really want me visiting here. I told them that i would be leaving. They were already gathered: the parents and two or three children. They were leaving to go somewhere. The parents seemed agitated around me. Disappointed, i headed to the west, to the white door in the northern wall of the kitchen. The family left to the east to leave the house. I told them that i would be heading out the door that i came in, though i was not sure where that was. I moved around the house now, looking for a door that looked familiar. I headed to the southwest, into the small room. Looking to the southeast, i could see a pantry and another small room with cupboards all around. I felt confused, and headed back to the north. I noticed the white door in the northern wall again. I walked up to it and looked out the window in the upper half of the door. An old wooden set of steps ran down from the door. This seemed to be the correct door. I remembered coming up the stairs earlier. I opened the door and stepped out. The door did not appear to be locked, which surprised me for a house in New York City. The family had gone already. As i walked down the steps, i suddenly realized that i was not carrying anything. I had left my black backpack inside the kitchen where i had said goodbye to the family. I hoped that the door was not locked. I pushed on the white door and it opened. In the kitchen, i turned to the east and pickup up by black backpack, which was still lying on its side on the floor of the kitchen. I then headed back toward the door. The family was gone now. I looked at the latches of the door, realizing that a think metal panel was on the outside of the door. It swinged open separately from the door. I looked at it, realizing that it had a small loop near the lock that fit into the door. This must be how the door locked when it was closed. I thought that the loop had not been fully pushed into the door. I pulled the door closed behind me, hearing a click. I hoped that it locked this time. I then headed to the north, across the small patio. It seemed like a nice evening. I could see a group of people to the north, in the next yard. They were gathered around a picnic table. It seemed strange that the door would be unlocked in the city, but then i thought that this was actually a nice neighborhood. I had to head to the parking garage, which was to the northeast. I did not have the key to my car in my pocket, but i remembered that i had left it somewhere. I walked across the grassy lawn, toward the people to the north. A large bushy tree was in the center of the lawn, and i would have to walk around the western side of it before i headed northeast. I rounded it, looking at the people at the picnic table. They were all college aged, and they seemed to be having fun. I did not want to interrupt them. I felt a little hesitant of them, thinking that they would do something if they noticed i was passing through. I then noticed that the right pocket of my shorts was torn open. I could see the large piece of paper peeking through. I was glad that i did not have the car keys in that pocket. I reached into the pocket, feeling a smaller piece of folded paper. I pulled it out. It was small enough to fall through the tattered hole, but it had caught on the threads of the pocket. I continued to the northeast, thinking that i had to get to my car. It became difficult to walk. I was forcing myself forward. I started up the hill, which rose steeply to the east. The lot was near me, but i had not yet reached it. Several students were sitting on the grass at the top of the hill. A rounded man smiled at me as i struggled to get to the top of the hill.

12015 October 13

The woman to the east of me turned around and scolded me. She said that people who say a certain thing were not as good as people who said the other thing. She implied that what i had said about myself meant that i was a troubled person who should not be respected. I felt bad, and i turned to the east, walking across the narrow kitchen of the restaurant. The man in the white chef jacket handed the pizza to someone else. I looked back to the west to see another person in white holding the small pizza box with the pizza in it. I felt happy to see the pizza, and i wanted some of it, but i felt bad here. I felt that i had to leave because of what the woman had said. I started driving to the north, through the suburban area. It was dark out, and i could not see the houses, but i knew that leafed trees arched over the roads and that houses were on the sides of the roads. I felt angry as i drove. The roads seemed slippery, and my car was not driving well. As i accelerated, the car slipped to the side a little. I pictured my car as a large metal sphere that i was trying to roll down the road. The metal sphere slipped on the icy road, though. I tried to control it, but i felt angry and did not want to be here. I drove up the road to the north, slowing to stop at the red light. A car pulled up to the east of me in another lane. I felt annoyed that i was passing me. I still felt angry because of what the woman said. Another car then pulled up and stopped to the east of me. I suddenly jerked my steering wheel to the right, running my car into the side of the car parked near me. I then started rolling the large metal ball to the north. The land to the north rose steeply into a jagged mountain. I pictured the ball rolling up the narrow road of the rocky peak. The car disappeared into a cloud of dark as it rolled up the slope. I could not really see where the car was going. I pushed the steel marble up the small mountain in front of me. I could feel the gap in the small mountain with my fingers, but i could still not see the marble through the dark clouds. I then lifted my hand from the mountain. I was now sitting on the floor, and i turned to say something to the person to the north of me. I then looked around at the small blue narrow cones on the floors. They were different mountains that the marbles could be rolled up. I looked to the southeast, at a tall thin blue rod with the spade shaped top. I had rolled a ball up the rod and watched it bend to the east a little. I still felt tense and upset, and i would have to do something.

12015 October 17

I moved to the southern side of the area. I had been doing something with the other people, but now i had to get something. I did not feel happy. I climbed on top of the stacked boards, which ran north to south in the center of the room. The southern ends of the planks were near the southern wall. I stepped carefully over them, trying to do something. I had to make sure that i did not tip the boards over. A wooden structure was sitting on top of the boards, on the eastern side of the stack. I had to be careful not to tip it over. My mother was to the northeast of me now. I said something to her as i moved around on the boards. I still felt agitated and angry about something. I held the wooden structure with my right hand, telling my mother to be careful of it. The structure looked like a wooden truss, made from darkly stained unfinished beams. My mother said something and wandered back to the north. I paced back and forth along the southern side of the pile, uneasy about something. I then noticed that the trailer to the north of me, which i had been standing on, started to roll slowly to the north. It seemed to be a metal trailer with a wooden deck. I felt suddenly worried that the trailer would roll down the hill and crash into something, but then i felt angry and decided that i did not care. I pretended that i did not notice the trailer rolling, and i continued pacing to the west. I was aware that the red trailer hit the large blue train car that had been behind it. The train car also started rolling to the north. When i turned around, the red trailer had crashed through the back wall of the building, leaving a large square hole behind. I walked to the east a little to look through the hole. I could see the white cement building to the north. It seemed to be an automotive repair shop. The two train cars had crashed through the front of the building, leaving a square hole in the wall. I was then wandering down the hill to the north. A street had been to the west of the building that i was in, and it ran down the hill to a four- or five-story modern cement building. The building was brown with darker horizontal details. The front face was hidden by small trees that ran across the small parking lot to the south of the building. The building looked like an apartment building. I could see the red train car at the southern edge of the parking lot. It had flipped over and seemed to be crushing a dark SUV. The grassy hill sloped down steeply just to the south of the parking lot. The train car must have jumped at the top of the hill and flipped over on its way down to the parking lot. As i rounded the eastern side of the lot, i realized that people were gathered around in the center of the parking lot. They were trying to rescue someone in the SUV. I felt suddenly upset, realizing that i could have prevented the accident. As i rounded the northern side of the lot, i was in a large rounded lecture room. The room had white walls, and the dark cushioned chairs were facing west, toward the lecture boards. The train car had crashed through the southern wall of the room and must have landed on some of the people there. I was upset that i had let this happen. I wandered to the south again, still looking at the accident. I looked at the flipped blue train car, wondering suddenly where the red trailer was. I started wandering along the western edge of the parking lot. A larger tree was on the grassy median on the western end of the southern edge of the lot. I told the woman that i had something to do with the trailer rolling down the hill. She stood to the west of me, shocked by everything that was going on. She seemed East Asian, with shoulder-length straight black hair and a plain oval face. I walked back up the hill, and the woman followed me. I thought that she might be suspicious of me now that i had told her. Maybe she wanted to see where i was going so that she could report me. I walked along the paved lot at the top of the hill to the south of the lot. The back wall of the cement building was to the south of me. It was at a slightly higher elevation than i was. I moved along it, coming to the eastern end of the building. I looked down the paved lot that was to the east of the pale-gray building, seeing that the building was actually just a northern extension of the larger building to the south. Down the alley, which was paved with blacktop, i could see the cement wall of the main building. A large square hole had been made in it. The hole was about a meter and a half off the ground. It must have been at the level of the floor inside the building. I was aware of the woman to the north of me. I suddenly wondered how the train cars had jumped to the parking lot. I looked to the north, seeing the train tracks running to the north, down the pavement. It seemed strange that the train would have landed exactly on the tracks. I mentioned this to the woman, but i realized that it was not a big concern. I then noticed that the building seemed to have a porch on the eastern end of it. The tin roof over the porch blended in with the tin roof of the building, but the porch roof was supported by visible wooden beams. The gray cement wall ran around the sides of the porch, and a wooden set of stairs descended toward us. I walked up the stairs and started wandering the porch. Many picnic tables seemed to be set up in the large area. I thought that this might be a bar or restaurant. No one was here at the moment. Something about the area seemed familiar.

12015 October 18

I headed back to the west, across the grassy area on the northern side of the road. I was still in the small town, which seemed to be on the way to my parents’ house. I had stopped here to do something. Chairs were still set up on the western side of the lawn, just to the south of an old white building, which seemed to be a church. The chairs were facing west-northwest, and people were still getting their things together to leave the lecture. Something felt nostalgic about this place, and i moved across the grass to the west, trying to decide what i should do. I would have to travel to my parents’ house, and i picture the road to the south. I could not see the road, but i knew that a road ran to the south, just on the western side of the town. It only seemed like fourty or fifty meters to the west of me. I would have to take that road a short distance before i could turn back to the west. I suddenly realized that i had forgotten my backpack. I was not wearing it. I must have left it in the building where the lecture was. I looked back at the white folding chairs to the northwest of me. They had textured plastic seats and backs. I could not see my bag where i had been sitting. Only a few people were still near the chairs. I wondered if someone had picked it up and turned it in somewhere. I then realized that some things were sitting on a table to the north of the chairs. The table was against the stone wall of the church. I walked over and grabbed by backpack. I then remembered that a fraternity house was in this town. I looked around on the western end of the grassy area for the small house. I thought that it had been here. I adjusted the backpack on my back, looking for the house, which i pictured as a small old wooden house. The building to the north of me was not the fraternity house, though. I looked to the southwest, wondering if it was on the southern side of the street. I knew that the lecture that i had attended had been sponsored by the fraternity, so the house should be here somewhere. I then noticed the house to the northeast of me. It seemed green, even though the outside of it was white. I moved toward the house, noticing several men moving from the building. I was not standing to the west of the small swimming pool, still adjusting the backpack on my shoulders. Several people were in the round above-ground pool, and a man in white shorts was walking toward it from the east. I leaned to the north a little, sitting down. I realized that i was in the pool. I wondered if i should actually be here. I started walking to the east again, thinking about visiting the house. I thought that i could say that i had a relative who belonged to this house. I thought about a name to tell someone. I then thought that i should use $K24’s name. He would not have ben back here since he left college. As i thought this, i realized $K24 was actually in a fraternity. I thought that this was his house. I then realized that this was not Sigma Phi Epsilon, which he had been a part of. I looked around, noticing the green symbols across the middle of the house and above the door. This house was Sigma Alpha Epsilon. A man headed in my direction from the northwest. He wore a white robe with symbols embroidered across the chest. I looked back to the north, at the stone lintel over the main entry door. It had the fraternity’s letters in green. I was interested in this place, but i felt that i had to get my things to leave. I headed into the house. The others were still gathered here after the lecture. I picked up the rest of my things. I would have to tell the others that i was leaving. I wondered where my jacket was. Chairs were in rows in the room, facing west. The walls of the room were covered with thin wooden vertical boards. I turned to the east, saying goodbye to $F4. I told him that i was heading home. He was standing with several other young men. He wondered how i would be getting home, and i told him that i would walk. He seemed concerned about his, but i told him that it was only four or five miles away, adding that it was not that far. I then thought that it might rain. I was carrying my jacket in my hand, but i was still dressed in dress pants and a suit coat. Everyone had been dressed for the event. I then realized that i no longer had my things in my hand. I adjusted my shoulders, realizing that i no longer had my backpack with me. I mentioned this as i looked around for the pack. I turned to the west, heading into the next room. The room seemed to be a hallway on the western side of the building. The wood of the walls matched the room i had been in. I had picked up my bags and was stuffing my jacket into it. I was still wearing the white dress shirt and the blue suit coat. I looked out a window to the west to see that it was raining outside. I had thought that it would only be sprinkling, but it seemed to be raining rather heavily. I thought that my suit coat would get wet. It did not seem to be a big problem. $F65 seemed to be in the room to the north of me. I thought about getting wet as i walked. I did have a tan umbrella with me, though i was not sure where it was. I looked down in my bag, noticing the handle sticking up. I could use the umbrella to keep my head dry. I headed out the door to the south. I was outside, but the rain was not falling on me. I must be standing under the overhang of the old building. A wide bushy tree stood to the south of the building, in the front yard. I moved to the northeast of the tree, near an interior corner of the gray stone building. I moved several things around in my bag. The rain was still not falling on me yet. Others had come out of the building and were standing near me now. I was saying goodbye to them as i got my things together. One of them seemed like $A665.

12015 October 19

I felt very tense and worried. The man was to the south of us, but we were in a car. He seemed very angry with us, and he came toward us. The man with me started driving the red car to the north. The man would be after us. I felt very anxious thinking about this. He was running after us. I watched the car drive to the north, down the street. Ahead of us, i could see an intersection. The light at the intersection was red. I worried that we would have to stop and the man would catch us. The car slowed but did not stop as it approached the intersection. As the came closer, the light turned green, and the red convertible American car accelerated to the north. I knew that the man was running after us. We would be able to speed up now and get away from him, but i still felt worried that he would be able to catch. I started to feel relieved as time went on, but i knew that he was still coming after us.

12015 October 23

It was time to leave the country and return home. I was visiting Russia with my grandmother. I packed my things together as my mother talked to me. She reminded me that i should tell the person at the airport that i wanted to try to get on the earlier flight. My mother mentioned that i would get back a few days earlier. I thought that this had to do with the change in time zones. I had a layover that would take a while, but another airplane was leaving earlier. My mother wanted me to ask if i could switch to that flight. It sounded like a good idea. I moved to the east a little with my things, thinking that i would have to spend a little extra money to switch. I imagined flying back on the plane, picturing Europe. I seemed to be starting on the very eastern edge of the continent, just above a round sea. I could see a white line that was the airplane flying west. It crossed through the center of Europe, hitting the ocean over France. I thought that i could take pictures out the airplane window for the first part of the flight. I was tired, but i could sleep over the ocean, where i would not take any pictures. I turned to the north after grabbing my bags from the ground to the west of me. A woman with a round face and long blond hair stood behind the counter. I was going to show her my tickets. She said something as i reached the counter, and i suddenly realized that i did not know the language. I replied in a foreign language, but i said “scusi”. This is where i would have to ask about the flights.

We had been cleaning out the house to the south of us. It was a small house, and it seemed run down. I had helped the others take all of the furnishings out of the house. The people were now gathered on the porch on the northern end of the small building. I looked to the south, into the main room of the house. The house seemed very small and cheap. The room inside was white, and a narrow set of stairs ran up from the center of the room. I then noticed the small skylight over the stairs and thought that the house actually had a nice design. It was simple, but it seemed very nice. I wondered if it would be easy to building a house similar. I sat down on the wooden deck of the porch. Leaning to the east, i noticed that the deck seemed to be high off the ground. People were below me talking, and some were on the deck with me. I looked back into the house, thinking that it was a cheap building. I then noticed the woodwork around the stairs. The stairs were made of a lightly stained wood that was glossy. The trim around them matched. The frame around the door at the top of the stairs had molding with three or four ridges. I knew that it was cheap molding, but it looked very nice. The corners had rounded carvings that matched the lines of the trim. I followed the lines of the molding down both sides of the stairs. It seemed very nice.

12015 October 24

I speeded to the west, heading through the lower part of the city. The central part of the city seemed to be to the east of me. I had come from downtown. The city was on a river, and the land sloped up from the river to the north. The river was turning to the southwest where i was, and i was still on the flat part of the land near the river. This area seemed to be an industrial part of the city. It was old and run down. I thought that i had to get somewhere, but i would eventually have to return to the downtown section of the city. This place seemed like $P6. I moved quickly down the street. The land around me was grassy with a few old abandoned warehouses here and there. I looked to the south, across a field of tall dry grass. Old buildings were in the distance, mostly hidden by the weeds and young trees. I thought that a theater was in this area somewhere. I started to feel a little unsafe traveling across this area. I was not driving, and i thought that i should not be walking here. This area seemed dangerous. A large cement-block warehouse was on the southern side of the road ahead of me. A man walked along the northern side of it, between the building and the road. No sidewalks ran in this area. The paved ground ran to the buildings. A narrow drive turned to the south, running between the warehouse and another one to the west. To the west of the second building, i could see that the road that i was traveling on ended. I hurried toward it. I was moving very quickly, but i still did not seem to be in a car, even though i felt that i was driving. As i approached the intersection, it seemed dark now. I started to feel less safe here. I could see a sky glow to the west. It seemed to be a few blocks away. I wondered if it was the area where the theater was. I thought that the theater area had been rebuilt from the old rundown factories. It was a place where developers had tried to improve the city by brining in arts to the area. I could not get to it directly, but i felt that i should head toward it so that i would be in a safe area. I then thought that i would eventually have to walk back to the center of town later. I speeded toward the intersection and turned to the southwest. I was not sure where i was, and the area did not feel safe. I slowed near a house, which was on the western side of the street. The houses here were spread out, with trees and bushes between them. The lawn sloped up toward the house. I was actually in the living room of the small dingy house. I should not be here. I headed to the north, thinking that the owners of the house might be angry that i had walked into the abandoned area and entered their house. I walked down the cement path to the east of the house. The grassy lawn sloped down gradually to the road, and then the land sloped down steeply to the east of the road. Trees covered the steep hill. Another house seemed to be hidden in the trees down the hill, and i thought that it must be on another street that i could not see. I became aware that someone might be in the house behind me. I worried that they would come out after me. I had to leave. I imagined speeding away to the north, back down the road that i had come from. I then thought that i should just fly upward and over the trees. The man would not be able to follow me as easily if i did that.

I had left the cottage where my grandparents were. I was moving to the south, down the road that descended the steep hill. The cottage seemed to be on high ground to the north of me. The road that i was following seemed to follow the eastern side of a tall rocky hill, rounding the hill. I came over a rise and started down a steep part of the road. I was gliding over the pavement. Trees covered the land to the east of me, which sloped down steeply. The rocky slope sloped up to the west. I passed another person, who seemed to be riding a bicycle down the hill. I was also on a bicycle, but i seemed to be sitting on it strangely. I was in front of the bicycle, and i leaned to the left or right to steer. I had left my grandfather’s cottage a little while ago, and i thought that i had to get to the town at the bottom of the hill for work. It seemed that my grandfather and my father’s mother were in the cottage that i had just left. The man pedaling his bicycle came from behind me and passed me on the right. He was bicycling for exercise. I let him pass me as i thought about how i was sitting on the bicycle. I reached behind me with my right hand to squeeze the brakes on the handlebars to slow the bicycle down. I did not seem to have full control over the bicycle because of the way i was sitting, so i shifted my position. I moved back behind the handle bars, thinking that it was more normal and safer. I was approaching the bottom of the hill, and the road curved to the west sharply. I had rounded several corners before, but i could see that the man on the bicycle ahead of me had dismounted just past the corner. The road around the corner seemed very narrow now, and i thought that i might not be able to ride anymore because there was not enough room on the narrow ledge that ran along the slope of the hill. I asked the man how the road ahead was as he did something with his bicycle, and he told me that it was not safe to ride on it. I stepped off of my bicycle and headed to the west down the narrow path. I was now inside the large cavern, which was part of a tourist park. I thought that i would have to carry my bicycle through the park because it was indoors. I then wondered if the people who ran the park would let me carry the bicycle all the way through. I thought that it might be easier to cut through the park to get to the bottom of the hill than it would to ride the narrow road around. I walked to the southwest, across the large cavern with the polished black floor. A man was sitting on a chair against the southern wall just to the west of a doorway. He wore a red vest and seemed to work here. He was watching the people who were coming out of the room to the east. I walked up to him and asked him if it was okay for me to carry a bicycle through the area. He said no. I felt disappointed, thinking that i would have to go all the way around. I would have to take the bicycle back out the top entrance of the park. As i headed to the east across the southern wall of the cavern, i noticed someone standing to the northwest of me. The cavern was very large, and tourists were gathered in various places, talking to each other. A column of elevator shafts was in the center of the room, on the southern side of a rocky column. The woman to the northwest of me was chatting with her friend, who was to the northeast of her. She had chin-length dirty-blond hair, and she had a yellow bicycle frame slung over her shoulder. Her head was through the center part of the bicycle so that the frame was resting on her shoulder. I looked to the south, noticing some other people with bicycles slung over their shoulders. I asked the woman about carrying the bicycle, and she said that it was okay to carry a bicycle through the caverns. I thought that i should put the frame of my bicycle over my shoulder and walk as well. I headed to the west, thinking that it was actually uncomfortable to hold the bicycle like this. I had it over my left shoulder, and i tried to switch it to my right. I felt the chain hit the back of my legs as i moved it. I felt annoyed, thinking that i probably got a line of chain grease on the back of my shorts and shirt. I lifted the bicycle from my shoulders, thinking that i was going to be late for work. I had to hurry through this area, and i was being delayed by having to walk the bicycle. I had just exited the building, and i was now facing west, looking out over a large empty parking lot. Others had headed to the northwest, across the lot. I wondered if it would be safe to ride my bicycle here. I seemed to be outdoors again. I still had to follow the path across the park to get to the lower entrance. I then suddenly wondered where i should go. It was not obvious where the path ran. I then noticed white chevrons on the ground to the west of me. They pointed to the northwest near me and formed a path that curved slightly to the north ahead. I thought that i would still have to head down the ramps that ran though the park. I pictured them running on the eastern side of a hill within the large cavern system. As i moved the bicycle to the north of me and put it on the ground, i noticed that the rear tire was flat. Something had happened to the bicycle. I felt annoyed. I would now be late for work. I would have to take the elevators to the north down to the lower levels rather than walk down the ramps. I stepped out of the elevator heading to the south. I had exited the park and came out on a sidewalk on the northern side of the busy commercial street. Tourists were walking in both directions of this little resort area. It seemed that the main part of the small town was to the east of me. I had to head that way to get to my job, which seemed to be in a restaurant. A small narrow parking lot seemed to have been between the exit to the park, which was framed with aluminium and glass, and the sidewalk. I had crossed it. I then wondered where i worked. I looked around at the people on the street, turning to the west and wandering a little. The other person was still near me. I wondered what i should do. I felt uncertain where i was going. I did not know where the job was. I turned back to the east and started walking down the sidewalk. I then imagined calling the job and asking where the restaurant was. I thought that i could actually be in the wrong place. I imagined telling someone that i had thought it was the restaurant location in the town near me, but the person would tell me that it was actually in another town. I knew that i could not do that. The street was full of busy tourist shops.

I was standing to the east of the area, waiting for the bus with $F45. A driveway ran to the west of us. It curved to the west just to the south of where we were. I could see a large structure on the western side of the drive. The area under the structure seemed to be a small parking lot, and the structure was formed of round cement columns and a steel roof. The roof seemed to be painted light green. Busses were moving in the area to the west of us, but i could not figure out how we should get one that ran to the city that we needed to get to. I then thought that busses might not come here from that part of the city. I turned to the east, looking at the large map that was on a billboard. Smaller paper maps were folded into a plastic pocket on the front of the board. I reached to take one, thinking that i had to get to the downtown area on the western side of the city. I picture the streets in my head. It seemed to be a residential area with old apartment building. The streets ran to the northwest in this section, but did not line up with the main grid of the rest of the city. I could see a triangular area of streets around the area that i was picturing. A three- or four-story brick building seemed to be on the eastern side of the street. The area felt comfortable, and i wanted to get there. I started to worry that the busses from here did not go to that area. I then thought that i could actually walk to that part of the city, though it did seem like quite a way. $F45 said that the bus stop here was different. I looked to the west at the busses again. The area had changed since we had been here before. The cement sidewalk on the opposite side of the street from us now had a pull-off lane, which was not there before. I also noticed that the green poles and the green metal trash bins were no longer there. The area had been cleared of objects. A bus pulled in on the western side of the sidewalk, turning down the road under the roof. Busses now came to both sides of the stop across the way. They used to stop only on the near side. I pointed all of this out to $F45. I thought that the busses on the western side of the stop must be for something different that the busses on the eastern side. I looked along the roof, thinking that the overhang protected the bus stop below it. I then looked again at the things on the ground, thinking that the green mesh garbage cans had been taking away, leaving no place to toss trash.

12015 October 28

I drove to the west, down the wide four-lane road. I remembered this road from somewhere before. It seemed to be at the end of $P12, where it met Route 7. As i slowed to a stop in the turning lane, i noticed some smoke or steam rising from the northwestern corner of the intersection. An old stone retaining wall held back the higher level of lawn on the corner, and the smoke was coming out of the corner of the stone. I remembered that this was a volcanic vent. I had seen it steaming before, but it now seemed to have more smoke coming out of it. I felt nervous about this, wondering if the volcano would erupt. I had to wait for the light to turn green before i could turn to the south, and i watched the gray smoke uneasily. I then focused on something in the air near me. The smoke was drifting my way, and i could see the small granules of ash in the air. They looked like paper ash floating toward me, but they gleamed like glass. I thought that it was probably not good to breathe the ash. I would have to get out of the area soon. I rolled up my car windows so that the volcanic ash did not get into the car. The light then turned green, so i turned the car to the left, heading south down the narrow road. I realized that i was not actually sitting in the driver’s seat of the car. I seemed to be sitting in the back seat of the car, reaching over the back of the front seat to steer. This seemed strange. I would not be able to put my feet on the pedals this way. I shifted position, trying to get into the front seat so that i could control the car better. The car turned around the corners of the narrow road. The area around me was brown and forested. The road ran along the side of hill, which sloped up steeply to the west. A creek seemed to be down the hill to the east, and apartment building were scattered on the hill to the west. All of the trees were leafless, and the ground seemed to be covered with dry leafs. I turned to the southeast and then back to the south, realizing that the road ahead of me narrowed to a dirt lane and ended. A car was parked in the dirt late to the south of me. This was actually a driveway. I must have made a wrong turn before. I was in the driveways of the apartment complex. I backed up, backing the car to the west, into a parking area in front of the buildings. A darkly stained wooden retaining wall rose to the south of the pull-off, and bushy green pine shrubs grew on the top of it. A set of wooden stairs ascended the hill to the southwest, toward the entrance to the brown building, which was to the west of me up the hill. I drove back to the north, thinking how i could get back to the road. I looked down the hill to the east, seeing people on the road below be. They were looking up the hill toward me. I walked down the wooden stairs to the north, pushing the cart ahead of me. I looked down at the steps, trying not to miss a step. I was actually standing in the middle of the cart, which was shaped like a racing car. The white and blue front of the car stuck out from my waist. I tried to get the car to roll, but i was still on the stairs, so i knew that it would not easily roll. I would have to carry it. As i turned to the east, following the stairs, i rested the cart on the ground. The front wheels of the cart rested on a wooden step, but the middle section of the car was not supported. The gravel between the wooden steps was lower than the steps, and the car bent with my weight. I would not be able to roll the cart over the steps because it might bend and break. I would have to carry it.

The man had picked me up in the small cart from the area and was now driving me to the west. He sat ahead of me in the vehicle, which seemed to be a golf cart. He was short and very attractive. He had short black hair, and his body was nicely muscled. I chatted with him as he kept turning around to talk to me. I was not quite sure what i should say to him, and i felt a little nervous being with him. I felt as though there was something i wanted to say to him. He was then standing, and he walked toward me as i tried to put my white shoes on. He was wearing red shorts and no shirt, so i could see the muscle detail on his torso. I was very attracted to him. He stood close to me as he spoke. He seemed very cheerful and friendly to me. I wanted to say something, but i was not sure what it was. He turned back to the west and stood for a moment. I looked over the detail on the back of his right arm. His skin was sweaty, as though he had just been working out. He then strode back to the west. His red shorts now seemed to be a thin bathing suit, showing off the muscles in his upper legs and buttocks. I was very attracted to him, but i did not know what to say. I finished putting on my shoes and stood up. I was in a house now. The man had moved into a room to the west. I turned to the east. Others were around me now, and some of them started talking to me. The were young men, and they seemed to be interested in me as well. A thin dark-skinned man stood to the east of me now. He had a lanky form, but he seemed to be detailed and attractive. He wore a tight-fitting T-shirt. He put his left hand on my right shoulder and punched me lightly with his right fist. He was trying to flirt with me. I grabbed his right hand before he could punch me in the abdomen again, but he pulled free. He smiled at me. This was his form of foreplay. When he went to punch me again, i did not stop him. It did not hurt, so i did not mind. Others then came into the room. I felt a little out of place. I wanted to be with someone, but i was not sure how to talk to these people.

12015 October 31

I stopped at the entrance to the building, waiting for the people ahead of me to head in. I was with $F45. We had just come from a dinner. We entered the building from the north. The entry hall was plain and seemed to be on the western side of the building. I headed into the large room to the east, which was the gymnasium. A wrestling event was happening here, and i was interested in seeing it. I wondered why $F45 had come with me to this place. I did not think that he liked wrestling. It seemed strange that he was here. I continued to the east, into the main gymnasium, passing through the wide doorway in the southern end of the western wall of the gymnasium. Bleachers extended from the southern and eastern walls. The eastern bleachers were against a thick wide cement column that separated the western part of the gymnasium from another part. Wide openings on the north and south of the column let to the other area. I sat on the southern end of the bleachers, facing west. I was near the back of the seats. A woman near the front of the audience was talking about the wrestling match. I heard her comment on Kyle Dake. She seemed attracted to him, and seemed to say that she wanted to be intimate with him. It seemed strange that she would be expressing her lust with him in the gymnasium. I said that Kyle was actually married, but then i added that he had an attractive brother. People around me were talking about the match, i shifted in my seat, trying to put my coat down. I was now sitting on the eastern end of the bleachers that were against the southern wall. $F45 was still near me. I felt interested in the event, even though it had not started. It seemed that the announcers were just introducing the wrestlers. A dark-skinned man walked from the west along the southern side of the gymnasium. He walked to the south of the large red wrestling mat, which was in the center of the room. He did several flip as he jumped across the room, smiling for the audience. He stopped to the northeast of us and turned back to the crowd, waving. He was the wrestler being introduced here. I watched him for a moment, thinking that he was actually rather attractive. He then told someone that he was going to do some exercises. He moved to the south, into a wide alcove in the southern wall. I could see his shadow on the floor as he started doing pull-ups in the alcove. I wanted to watch him exercise so that i could see the muscles move with his movements. $F45 stood up to the west of me and walked off the bleachers. I felt annoyed with him because he was going to look at the wrestler, which i though was inappropriate. He stopped to the northeast of the bleachers and to the north of the alcove. He stood with his mouth agape watching the wrestler exercise. I leaned forward a little to see into the alcove, but i could not see much more than the man’s back. I knew that he was a very attractive man. $F45 then turned to the northeast and wandered around the large central column, into the unlighted next room. I tried not to think about him and focused on the event. I was excited to see the team this year. I had been in the near the end of the bleachers, so i wandered back to the west, into the gymnasium, where i could see the match. Other wrestlers were standing along the eastern edge of the mat. I was interested in seeing them, and i wanted to meet them. $F45 was suddenly near me. I thought that he must have been in the back room with the dark-skinned wrestler in the red singlet. I asked $F45 if he knew the wrestler. $F45 smiled as if trying to act innocent. I felt upset. $F45 had had sex with the man. I felt left out again, and i was not sure what i should do. I wished that i could meet people as easily as he could, but i did not know how. I felt very sad, and i wandered away from the event.