12005 November 01
I stood in the kitchen, leaving against the red counter top which ran against the southern wall. I was facing north, talking to $A278. I told her that i had tried to make class, but that i was still not ready to come back. I felt bad about not going to class, but knew that i would not be able to learn from the class until i was back in shape. I told $A278 that i had been having a hard time at work and that i would need to get back into exercise first. She was sitting to the west of me as we spoke. We seemed to be sitting on a bench in a larger open room. My mother was standing to the north of us, listening to the conversation. I then realized that $A278 was leaning her head on my left shoulder. She was trying to comfort me. I realized that it would appear as though i was close to her, and i wondered what my mother would think. It then seemed that the bench on which we were sitting was facing another direction. I started talking to the others, who were standing around in the white-walled room. $F10 was standing just to the southeast of me as i faced south on the bench. He was here with some of his family. I enjoyed hanging around with the other people i knew. I said something to $F10 as i stood up from the bench, noticing that his father was standing behind him. I now seemed to be outdoors. I looked to the north, noticing that the crowds of the fair were thinning out. The fair booths were empty; the vendors had closed up their stuff and went home. I stood up and walked to the northeast, where a woman was looking at the eastern face of a shiny metal machine. She was young, and i thought that she was one of the sorority women from the college. I walked over to the machine, which was an ice cream machine. The merchants were closing up, and it seemed that anyone could come and take some ice cream. I wanted to get some ice cream before they turned the machine off entirely, but, as i rounded the eastern end of the machine and looked at the two white nozzles where ice cream came out, i noticed that the nozzle on the left looked as though it had not been used in a while. I pulled the handle above that nozzle as i held the white cup under the tube. A thick chunky brown liquid dripped out of the machine. The ice cream was no longer any good. The cream in it was starting to curdle. I put the cup down on the tray under the nozzle, at the bottom of the face of the machine, and stared at the machine. I wondered what i should do. I wanted some more ice cream, but the food in the machine was too warm and spoiled. I turned to the east and started to walk away.
12005 November 04
The walls of the corridor seemed to be painted a dark blue, but there was only a little light coming in somewhere. I was moving through the hall by myself, heading to the east. I turned to the southeast, into a room on the southern side of the hall. It was late at night, and i was heading for bed. I came into the room where $F10 was. He was staying with me, and i thought that he would be sleeping in my bed to keep me company. I felt comforted having him close to me. I walked into the room, which seemed to have blue walls. The entrance to the room was a few metres deep, and seemed to have a door on the northeastern wall. It seemed that the door might lead to a closet or bathroom. Just beyond the entryway, there was a single mattress on the floor to the northeast. I laid down on the mattress, which had white sheets on it. $F10 was with me. It felt good to have him here. We talked for a moment as i hugged him. I then stood up, thinking that i should go into the next room. I knew that $F12 was there. I felt that i should give him some attention as well, since it had been a long time since i had seen him. I was then in the bed again, hugging $F12 as we slept. I enjoyed being with him, but i thought that $F10 would be upset. I felt suddenly bad, thinking that i had upset $F10 because i wanted to be with $F12. I stood up in the small dark room and headed toward the exit door, which was in the south wall. I seemed to be to the northwest of the room that i was in before. I wanted to be close to both $F10 and $F12, but i did not think that they would both understand that. I said something to $F10 as i walked back into the bedroom to the south. I wanted him to understand what i was feeling. I told him that sex was not really something meaningful. $F10 seemed interested, and he told me that he would be interested in erotica. He said that he really liked the triangle and started talking about anal things. This disappointed me and made me uninterested in erotica with him. I still loved him, but i could not do what he was talking about. A man then came into the room through the door in the south wall. I realized that he had been watching us. There was a video camera standing on a tripod in the southern end of the room. The man walked over to it to adjust something. I felt embarrassed, realizing that what $F10 and i had talked about was recorded on tape. I looked at the square black camera. I was not comfortable here and wondered what i should do. $F12 then told me that the man took a DVD, not a videotape. This seemed better. I walked to the west, into the other room. I thought about both of the men that i had been dating. I loved them both and wanted to be friends with them both. I was outside now, near the white hotel. I moved to the north. There was a balcony just above my chest level. I felt disruptive, and i grabbed on to the dull flat metal railings around the edge of the balcony and started to pull my self up. As i did, i noticed that the wall under the balcony was covered with white ceramic tiles which had old letters styled into them. I hung on to the balcony for a moment, looking at the old letters. The tiles must have been taken from an older building and used on this one. I wondered what they could have said on the old building, and i felt that there was something special in these tiles. I felt as though i had discovered something others had not yet seen. Finally, i pulled my self up onto the balcony. I wanted to get back to $F10 and $F12.
12005 November 06
I walked into the room from the east and turned to the north. There were several other people in the room. I looked back at the brown wood paneling on the eastern wall of the room. There was a large gold disc in the center of the northern part of the wall. The disc was slightly domed, with a thick raised gold rim which made it look like a medallion. The center of the disc had video images moving on it. The entire thing seemed gilded, but i realized that the center part was also a television. It was showing a music video. I watched the images for a moment as the others walked around the room. I thought that this was a video by Peter Gabriel. It was a dark video with grey objects moving in and out of view. I was impressed by the television, thinking that it was a high level of technology. There was something special about it. I started to pace away, watching the video as i went. There was a scene of swamp trees with moss hanging off of their branches. I then noticed that there was another gold disc in the wall to the southwest.
12005 November 16
I rode my bicycle to the southwest, down the steep slope of the hill. The hill was forested, but there was a wide stripe of land which had been cleared. The slope was covered with a thin layer of snow. I felt uncertain about riding my bicycle down the hill, but i wanted to do something, so i rode. I concentrated on going in a straight line, focusing on keeping the wheels straight in the snow. I was riding down the western edge of the ski slope. There was another person to the east of me who was following me down the hill. He did not seem to be on a bicycle. I thought that he was probably skiing. Several other people were in the center of the ski slope, to the east. I focused on the thin path of packed snow that i was riding on. There was a small pine tree in the middle of the path. I swerved around it, feeling suddenly stressed about making it down the slope safely. I felt as though this was fun, but i was still weary of being here. I was part of a race. The others were much better than i, and they were far ahead in the race. I knew that i was not able to keep up with them. I suddenly wondered if i was in the way of others behind me who were trying to catch up.
12005 November 24
I was with the group of people who seemed to be from my high school as we gathered in formation. We were forming rows and columns at the northern end of the wide room. The formation was facing north, and there seemed to be five or six columns across the front of the group. I stood near the front of the formation, one row in from the eastern side. I felt strange here. $F16 was standing in front of me, at the front of my column. This did not seem right. I knew that it was position of special rank, but the columns were also arranged by age. I was the oldest in my column, so i should have been at the front. I felt that i was not because people did not respect me here. I felt bad, but believed that it did not really matter to me. I felt very strange here. The people around me suddenly started to shift position, and i felt as though i had missed a command from the front of the group. I looked forward at the person who was leading us. $F16 turned around to look at me, and motioned me forward. He seemed to realize that i should be at the front of the formation, so i moved forward to stand at the front of the column. I stood still, looking to the north as the man in charge watched over us. I could hear the others moving around behind me. The leader was saying something, but this situation did not seem right. I looked behind me and realized that my battalion had disbursed throughout the room. They all went to take care of something that the leader had said to do. I felt confused and did not know what we were supposed to do. I turned around and started to walk into the room to look for my company, feeling uncomfortable. The room was very large, with a low ceiling and a large oddly shaped enclosed wall in the center. There were many groups of people gatherer is different sections of the room. They were all discussing things. My ground must have gone to a free area of the room to discuss some topics. I wandered to the south, looking around at the clusters of people in the room. The walls of the room were light blue, and there seemed to be a few windows on the eastern and western walls. I looked at the people in the discussion groups, but i did not recognize anyone from my group. I started to feel that they purposely abandoned me, and i started to feel bad and anxious. They purposely wandered away without telling me. I walked into the southern part of the room, looking around at the people. I turned to the west and circled back up the western site of the room. I did not see any of the people that i recognized, and i felt bad. I then noticed the tall in the center of the room which divided the room into northern and southern sections. It was very wide, as though it enclosed a small room. There was an old wooden door on the western wall, and i noticed that it was open. I could see the old unpainted plaster walls of the stairwell on the other side of the door. The stairs led down into the cellar, and i could see the light from the room below shining through the crack between the stairs and the floor of the stairway wall. I wondered if my ground was there. I walked past the door and came back into the northern section of the room. I did not see my platoon anywhere, and i felt very sad. I thought that i should check the basement, but i started to feel disappointed and disinterested in this situation.
I watched the back end of the large tan American car as we traveled to the north, down the highway. I was being pulled behind the can, and i realized that i was riding on a small black metal trailer. I was traveling with my family, though most of them were in the car. I suddenly realized that this situation was not really safe. I thought that i should not be riding on the trailer like this, even though i felt as though i was having fun. The trailer was small, almost like a rolling chair. I started to feel uncomfortable behind the car, and felt that there was something wrong with this situation. We were traveling for too long a distance for me to be safe sitting on the trailer. I looked around at the surrounding area, wondering what i should do. We seemed to be in Florida, where the land was flat and mostly tan, with low business buildings around the highway. I wondered exactly where we were. I looked at the road tag on the side of the highway as it passed. It said that we were heading south. I looked at the other signs around to see that we were just passing the intersection with Route 107. I thought that this was a very long trip because we were a long way from anywhere i knew. I watched the brown 11970s car ahead as it continued down the road. I wanted it to stop. I thought that i should get off of the trailer. I then started to wonder what would happen if the trailer separated from the car. I wondered if it would simply slow down until it stopped. I then thought that it would probably become unstable without a car to pull it and would probably roll over. I wondered what to do as i paced the room. I was now in a house, which seemed like my grandmother’s kitchen. My family was traveling with me. The house seemed to be traveling. My mother was in the living room with me as i worried about something. I looked at my arms and realized that i had gotten sunburned from sitting on the trailer for so long. I felt agitated and annoyed with my family. I looked at the map on the table to the north of me. It showed the route that we were traveling on. We were in a mobile home at the moment. I could see that we were heading out the road which ran along the southern shore of Long Island. We were traveling to the east. I turned from the map and started to pace around the room nervously. Something felt very strange and out of place, and that bothered me.
12005 November 26
I pushed the mower to the west, along the southern edge of my parents’ garage. I knew that it was rather late in the season to be cutting the grass, but the winter was warm, and i thought that the grass should be shorter. I looked at the tall grass to the west of the paved driveway. It needed to be shortened. I ran the mower to the end of the garage and then turned south, noticing the trail of short, yellow grass behind me. I then realized that the mower was not cutting the grass as short as i had wanted. I pushed the hand mower to the south, watching it cut through some tall dark-green weeds. I realized that there was a set of clipper blades protruding from the top of the mower which were cutting down all of the tall grass. The grass was tall enough that they were being used instead of the regular blades in the mower. I pulled the mower back and tried again, watching it run over the short grass. I continued to the south, wondering if i could finish the yard before the weather turned back to snow. I though that it would be nice to have the entire back yard finished before the winter. I pushed the mower down the western side of the house, aware that my grandfather was walking across the yard to the west of me. I wondered what my father would think of me cutting the grass at this time of year.
12005 November 30
I walked into the den of my parents’ house and looked out the back window of the house. I looked to the west-northwest, up the slope of the hill. It was evening, and the sun seemed to be setting behind the thin trees which covered the slope. The trees seemed almost bare, and there was something uncomfortable about the view. The hill sloped up to the northwest, and there was a thin strip of land in the center of the hill where the trees were very thin. Tall tan field grass covered the hill, and i thought that it was grazing land. I then noticed the sheep walking in the center of the field. They were almost camouflaged among the grass. I was surprised to see them, but realized that they were natural there. They were walking away from me, up the hill. There now seemed to be a worn path along the northern side of the clearing which curved to the north at the far side of the clearing, heading up the open grass slope of the hill beyond the thin trees. The sun was setting behind the trees, casting orange light through the trees. There was something disturbing about the image as the sheep headed home for the evening. I then realized that there were people waking down the worn path from the hilltop. I spotted two of them coming down the hill. I was startled to see them, but realized that they were the people who lived up on the hill. I knew that they were part of a religious cult and that they did not believe in private property. They were walking across my parents yard because they believed that nothing could be owned by anyone. I watched as more people appeared around the side of the house. They walked past the window, heading to the south. I then heard noise upstairs. I was in the basement of my parents’ house, looking out a window to the west. I realized that the people had come in through the front door of the house. This would probably upset my mother. I turned to the southwest and walked into the dining room to confront the religious people. I walked to the north, into the back room of the house, where the cult people were standing around the back door of the house. I asked them what they were doing there and told them to get out. They did not seem to acknowledge me, so i told them that i would call the police and have them charged with breaking and entering. My mother was standing just to the south of me, and she seemed to be very upset. One of the men in the group started to argue with me, saying that they did not break into the house. I said that i sometimes leave the back door of the house unlocked. As soon as i said it, the man made an utterance in agreement, trying to prove that he did not break in, but i continued, telling them that the front doors of the house are never unlocked and that i knew that they all came in through the front door. The man did not argue. I told them all to leave, and felt angry with them. I then turned to the south and walked back into the dining room. As i entered the room, i noticed that there were several things on the floor to the east of the dining room table. The people had cleared all of the things from the top of the round polished wood surface of the dining room table so that they could put their own stuff on the table. I looked to the west to see a skinny man standing near the table. He was bending over to wipe his lower legs with a towel. He had just used the shower and was gathering his things. He looked up at me and nodded with a smile, as though nothing was wrong. He looked unkempt, with a long grey beard and ragged hair. His things were piled on the northern edge of the dining room table. I walked to the south, to the door on the front wall of the house. The large brass knob, which operated the deadbolt on the old door, was turned to the locked position. The door had been locked, and i wondered suddenly how the people were able to get into the house. They had come in the front door, so i walked to the west, toward the main door to the house. I walked into the den of the house and looked out the window at the people passing. They were heading back to the north, back to their encampment. I stood back from the window so that they would not notice me as they passed. I felt strange, and i was suspicious of them. I watched as a woman passed the window, walking very near the house, between the house and the row of vegetation to the west. A dark-skinned man with long black braids followed her. I watched them as they casually walked back up into the grassy field.