11986 Spring
We ate dinner with the rest of my relatives in the dining room of our house. The room was actually the dining room in $F1’s house, but we liver here. The walls were creamy blue. My father’s mother was at the dinner table with us. It seemed strange that she was here with us again. I knew that she was dead. I was glad to see her, but i wondered how she had been able to return to us. I wanted to speak with her, but i did not know if i was allowed to. I watched her sit with my grandfather on the other side of the table. This was awkward. I was glad that she had come back, and i wondered, for a moment, whether this was real. It could simply be another dream of mine. I pondered whether she had simply been in the hospital all this time. She might have never really been dead, but, alas, i knew that she really was. I walked into the basement of this house. This was $F1’s basement. There were boxes piled all around the cement walls of the basement. The lights were dim, but the small window on the west wall let the sun’s light spill in. There were old toys in the boxes. I considered taking some of them out to play with. I could have been a child again. Then i thought that i should not be playing with the toys here. This was not my house. I wanted to know how my grandmother had come back. I wanted to talk to her again, but i knew that she would have to go return to the dead. The angels would call her back before too long. It was good to have her for the short time.
I ran from the back yard. The wind was very strong, and i knew that a storm was coming. I had to get to the shelter of the house. There was danger just out of my sight, and it frightened me. I was not safe here. I ran down the driveway, toward the back porch. As i came to the porch, i spotted a large green snake curled up on the top step. I could not get past it, into the safety of the house. I felt frightened. I then started to feel that this was not real. I was in a dream. Everything was put here to prevent me from doing what i had to do. $F5 had told me that we could control our dreams if we wanted to. I would not be scared off by the snake. I thought of the movie Rikki Tikki Tavi, where the snake was defeated by a mongoose. I imagined that there was a mongoose on the porch to scare off the snake. A gopher appeared to the right of the snake. It was a cartoon figure, standing on its hind legs like a human. It wore a pair of blue overalls, like a farmer. I thought that i might simply not have enough control over my dreams yet. I had to practice to get better. I concentrated on the gopher. I had to make it get rid of the snake. The gopher started talking to the snake, gesturing with its hands as it spoke. It was reasoning with the snake. I stepped onto the porch, careful not to step on the cartoon characters. The snake spoke back to the gopher in casual conversation. I could make my dreams do what i wanted them to do. However, i would have to wake up eventually. I had to figure out a way to stay asleep but still in control. I would have to practice.